Letting Go

As this unfortunate summer began, little did I know how tightly I was actually grasping at things over which I had NO real control. As such, when friends starting talking about, "Letting go of things," such as any action taken by my estranged spouse, my children's behavior, my expectations regarding how my life was supposed to look at 50, and a host of other things far to lengthy for a blog post, I remember thinking, "That should be easy, I have very few things I think I control."

WRONG - control boy!

Additionally, when those same friends (old and new) spoke about the peace I would find once I did in fact let things go, again, my bald head was filled with erroneous notions. Chief among them, how important my input was to the effective outcome of many things, as if I was god (whew, I am not, I now know).

ABSOLUTELY WRONG - control boy!!

Over the past 9 or so weeks, it has become clear to me that

• I control myself, on a good day (and even then the "control" can be tenuous);
• I absolutely do NOT control anyone else (regardless of how close he/she/they might be to me);
• I DO NOT need to control others (that is a level of responsibility I do not need, nor want);
• That attempting to control others is the ultimate form of disrespect and it hampers the growth of others;
• The freedom which comes from the realization regarding how little control I have, once more fully understood, has begun to produce a peace I could not imagine (and am still surprised by - why the heck did I not get this 30 years ago - brick brain); and
• Outcomes are in the hands of GOD - and I AM NOT HIM!

Do I still occasionally freak, or try to control? Surely that's a rhetorical question on your part. I'm almost 51 years old and have been trying to control every one but Bart for at least 32 years. Control boy is mortally wounded but because he's ornery, it is taking awhile for him to go down. However, because God loves me, has shown me mercy - even in the midst of this self-inflicted mess - and continues to stand scanning the horizon from His kids to come home (just as He did in the story of the Prodigal Son), when I dropped the control rope, He has run with open arms, a response breathtaking in its reality.

Stressed out? Relationships of any kind in distress? Feeling overwhelmed? Drop the rope. No, drop the notion you have the rope - you don't. Being in control is a very American notion - that is WRONG. Drop the rope and you will be amazed, literally amazed out what God might have in mind.

Here's to a life lived without the stress of the allusion of control . . . .

Anger

Ever been angry? Not annoyed, neck veins bulging, snot-slinging, profanity (or near profanity) producing angry?

Liar, that is if you said anything other than "Yes." Anger is part of being human. Feeling negative emotions doesn't mean you are anything other than the fallen human that you are. Denying that you have gotten this angry, well, that's a problem. Literally never haven gotten this angry mean you either live in seclusion and never get out of bed, or you are a psycho-path. In either case, get help.

Here is the trick with anger, at least in my experience, over this past few months when I have experienced the scenario above, oh . . . daily. My anger usually says something about ME - which I hate. Perhaps, the circumstances I am experiencing are the crop I planted coming in . . . Perhaps the response I got from another is a response to an ill-considered or thoughtless comment I made to him or her. Perhaps the anger is simply the result of having denied something another did, or something I did actually bothered me. Perhaps the anger I feel is the injustice being done to another.

Regardless, in most cases, there is some element of the anger that is self-directed. That alone is potentially positive. What can I learn by thinking through why a circumstance is as is it? What can I learn about allowing the crop I planted to be brought in with humility AND a plan not to bring that same crop in again (or a 3rd or a 4th time). What can I learn about interacting with others more effectively, in all circumstances? And the list could go on.

The Bible says, "Be angry and sin not." Seems from the comment, anger is not inherently evil or sinful. In fact, likely positive in the right situations or the grammar would not direct us to "Be angry." I like that first part, "Be angry." It's that second part, which calls my response into accountability I'm not so fond of some days. I'd rather just "Be angry" and deal with the "And sin not part" at some more convenient time, or with some individual who is more to my liking. Unfortunately, and trust me, I looked in half a dozen translations, I did not find an astrerick in any of them which give me license to simply go off and worry about whether sin will occur.

Crap!!!

But, I've perfected the ready, fire, aim method. This notion of being angry AND remaining conscious of my choices at the same time. Now that is annoying. Who is God anyway? Oh, that's right. He's God.

So, next time that collar begins to tighten as the spousal (or relationship) unit, child, co-worker, fellow believer, co-worker or some person in traffic makes you/me angry, what can I learn as I respond consciously and thoughtfully as opposed to simply going off . . . ?

Here's to appropriate anger!

Appreciate the Manna - Before It's Gone

In the Old Testament, our spiritual ancestors the Israelites recently delivered from Egypt where they were treated in sub-human fashion, began to lament life on the road (out from under their tormentors). "We are going to die out here," they wailed like today's children, teenagers and most adults forced to play somewhere other than in front of a computer or TV in the A/C. "Besides, we are hungry. In Egypt they treated us like crap but at least we had 3 squares a day," they continued like a convict who has mistaken prison fare's stability for freedom.

So God fed them with manna. Each morning available for the gathering was the day's meal with only the condition that they not take more than a day's worth. Soon, right to the door delivery was not even enough and they were griping again.

This summer, God has made very clear to me just how much like my spiritual ancestors I really am. For years I enjoyed the company of a spouse who loved and was patient with me. Her companionship was that manna. Hmmm, think I appreciated it? Not only no, but heck no. Now she's gone. What I wouldn't give for just a few minutes walking hand in hand talking about ANYTHING, or nothing.

Manna looks very different today than it did prior to May 29, 2010. How much clearer my vision is in its absence!

Do you like manna? Are you thankful God has provided manna in your life? Are you really? Men, no, your spouse isn't perfect - but she puts up with your crap (and no one dishes out crap like men, especially many believing men, who are "leaders" of their household). When was the last time you said, "Dear (or your pet name for her), my world would be absolutely incomplete without you in it. I would NOT be the person I am without your love and companionship." Or, "Dear patient woman, do you know how poor a job I have done showing you at the heart-level what your love means to me and who God is making me?"

NO - comments did not come from Oprah. Came from the heart of one who ignored manna, griped about manna and wasted manna as he saw fit - until his arrogance resulted in its disappearance. Trust me today fellows when I tell you, the manna you enjoy, on it's (her) worst day is beyond your comprehension of its (her) disappearance. From one hungry fellow to the next (and I don't mean horny, I mean hungry for the companionship and company my sweet wife patiently provided) savor the taste of the manna God has provided you before it slips away.