D Magazine contains a comic tale this month. Sadly, it's not just inside it's the cover story. Here's the cliffnotes version.
Dallas Police Chief, David Kunkle (sp) and City Hally Reporter Sarah Somebody (sorry Sarah) are the hot item in downtown. They've been seen acting lovey-dovey in a variety of public places.
What? You asked. "Is this guy so old and grumpy he's against love?"
Quite the contrary. My wife and I are facilitators in a marriage initimacy program.
Here's the problem with this fairy tale. Kunkle, 56, been married 4 times. Sarah, the main squeeze, is 34. In fact, Kunkle is telling everyone who will listen, including D Magazine, it's just a coincidence he decided to divorce his 4th wife after approximately 18 months of "Nothing other than friends" hanging out with Sarah.
David, your arrogance is insulting.
How is a Dallas police officer supposed to respect Kunkle. And spare me the ridiculous, "That's his spare time nonsense," for a host of reasons:
1. When one squeezes an orange indoors, what comes out? What happens if the same orange is squeezed outdoors? Does it suddenly produce apple juice? Regardless of the intellectually light notion, "what people do on their 'off time' is their own business," people take themselves with them where ever they are. If they have a decision model with flaws, it has potential flaws in all the decisions they make.
2. Kunkle is a high profile executive, like it or not, he has no off time. Fair? Yes, because he knew that going in.
3. Finally, if there are 3 people who believe Kunkle's arrogant, insulting comment regarding the coincidence of divorcing his wife and having an instant steady, please leave your number in the comments below. I have several investment opportunities to discuss with you involving land in remote locations. Come on Chief, is that the best you can come up with? Wow, how in the world should ANYONE, especially those who are supposed to follow him as a leader do so after that?
The entire ordeal should prompt his resignation. Why? Because he isn't allowed a love life? No, he is allowed a love life. However, he has a job where good judgment and integrity one would assume to be key attributes for an incumbent in the position. He, at least at present, has neither.
Wait. Maybe he has the wrong job, in the wrong city.
Sounds like he would be more comfortable in a north eastern city filled with historic buildings and "law makers."
Want the public trust Dave? Act trustworthy.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
The REAL Tragedy
Read the story posted at this link:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=wilson (if the link won't load type in the URL). It deals yet another tragic situation where a poor decision began a set consequences, which will change a young person's life forever - and without serious work, possibly effective counseling - change his life negatively.
Unfortunately, stories like this will reoccur with increasing frequency. They will not reoccur because the criminal justice system is a mess, though it is obviously imperfect. They will not reoccur because are perfected - never happen - laws are produced by imperfect humans. They will not reoccur because society is uptight in its values, though individuals continue to press the need for a values-neutral society. (Side question - isn't such a phrase - values neutral - an oxymoron?)
Such tragic stories will continue and will escalate for a several very specific reasons discussed briefly below.
The real tragedy of the Wilson case, like the Natalie Holloway case, like the Matthew Shepherd case, and the list could go on, these simply happen to be three of the most high profile over the past ten years, is the fact that the discussion is not about THE issue, it's about the symptoms.
No one discusses the issue. Not the parent(s), not the friends, not the affected individuals (when they can still be present to speak), not the attorneys, certainly not the national media (in any medium) and not lawmakers.
Wilson himself, reflective after what have to have been three very long, hard years alludes to the issue - poor choices STILL typically have harsh consequences.
I can hear some, maybe most of you now, "You heartless S.O.B. You can't even see past your easy life to feel compassion for others, in this case two of them deceased."
My response - smell the coffee. First, you don't know me or what I feel (in this case genuine sadness for those directly affected at all levels and for each of us for reacting in a manner, which will ensure subsequent incidents). Second, step back from the emotion of the circumstances to see the real tragedy and legitimate, lasting solution. Third, see popular opinion for what it typically is, easily mislead and seldom deeply thought out.
What are THE issues?
First, as alluded to above, THE issue in each of the three cases above is poor choices, in the great majority of cases, lead to harsh consequences, typically much harsher than we believed at the time we made the choices.
While some of you will argue I am moralizing, we can agree to disagree. However, you are not disagreeing with me on the foundation question of the first issue. All three of the instances noted above at something in common sexually promiscuous conduct, which mistakes physical intimacy with anything other than animal instinct.
Matthew Shepherd, a homosexual college student was slain by two men he believed he was being picked up by. Tragic? Absolutely. Should the killers be punished? Unquestionably and it has nothing to do with a "hate crime." (Side note two - isn't any murder a hate crime?). Natalie Holloway was a high school senior in Aruba on Spring Break, slain apparently after a night of drinking and looking to "hook up" ( a young adult term, we called in the 70s and 80s, "getting laid"). Appalling? Yes. Important the killers found and brought to justice? Beyond discussion. And finally young Wilson, who went from promising young person to convicted felon in approximately one month after joining friends for a night of sex fun with high school girls including one only 15. Regrettable? Yep. Awful circumstances, which unfolded, despite Wilson's good intent? Can't be disputed? Miscarriage of justice? Don't need to be an attorney to answer that question.
In all three cases, if, each understand the nature and purpose of physical intimacy, as something other than simply minutes or hours of fun, two might well be alive and young Wilson be approaching his senior year in college as a scholarship student-athlete.
Yet, in all three cases, parents approach to the matter has been the same - take NO (Shepherd and Holloway) or little (Wilson) responsibility for the choices they and their children made, which contributed materially to the final outcome.
I am deeply saddened a young person of any orientation had his or her life shortened, under any circumstances or for any reason. However, what conversations had the parents of Shepherd and Holloway had with them about the perils of "hooking up?" Again, I'm not trying to moralize, though I do have strong moral convictions. Get practical. If you are going to let your kid troll, please love them enough to talk to them about the perils (like drinking and trolling are a bad mix, regardless of how common they are). Advise them for example, "Be drunk," or "Troll for sex." Don't however do them together!" Or, how about, "Hook up with someone you know rather than a complete stranger. Sure there's less intrique and excitement. There is also some less risk you will die from either a hit in the head or contract an STD. Yes, people do get murdered by neighbors. However, the accountability in even today's neighborhoods moves the percentages slightly in one's favor.
More troubling and at least as likely to ensure future episodes is the unwillingness of the parents to accept even some responsibility, focusing the blame instead on the sexual climate in the nation (not accepting enough - Shepherd), the legal system in Aruba (not competent - Holloway) and the legislative process (not accurate enough, convoluted - Wilson).
What was Natalie Holloway's mom thinking when she sent an 18 year to Aruba with friends with money, free time, string bikinis and no accountability? Really, regardless of how common, does that sound like an equation for an effective outcome?
Choices have consequences and poor choices have, in most cases, very difficult consequences whose outcomes linger far longer than any enjoyment the choice netted.
Why are we afraid to continue to discuss how life actually works? Oh, I forgot. All values are neutral. No, no they really aren't. Responsible conduct still greatly (as in 90%) reduces the likelihood of a tragedy occurring at the hands of another.
I hope young Wilson does not have to spend 10 years in prison. However, he chose to take that risk, when he decided to have sex with two different girls and to allow himself to be videotaped. I am almost certain what he gained in those few minutes, regardless of who asked who (what happened to declining) was not worth the direction his life has gone.
I so wish I could give him that choice back to make differently. It is my hope his poor choices will indeed fuel a life of achievement beyond prison and a life of talking to individuals about the power of choice.
Choose wisely.
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=wilson (if the link won't load type in the URL). It deals yet another tragic situation where a poor decision began a set consequences, which will change a young person's life forever - and without serious work, possibly effective counseling - change his life negatively.
Unfortunately, stories like this will reoccur with increasing frequency. They will not reoccur because the criminal justice system is a mess, though it is obviously imperfect. They will not reoccur because are perfected - never happen - laws are produced by imperfect humans. They will not reoccur because society is uptight in its values, though individuals continue to press the need for a values-neutral society. (Side question - isn't such a phrase - values neutral - an oxymoron?)
Such tragic stories will continue and will escalate for a several very specific reasons discussed briefly below.
The real tragedy of the Wilson case, like the Natalie Holloway case, like the Matthew Shepherd case, and the list could go on, these simply happen to be three of the most high profile over the past ten years, is the fact that the discussion is not about THE issue, it's about the symptoms.
No one discusses the issue. Not the parent(s), not the friends, not the affected individuals (when they can still be present to speak), not the attorneys, certainly not the national media (in any medium) and not lawmakers.
Wilson himself, reflective after what have to have been three very long, hard years alludes to the issue - poor choices STILL typically have harsh consequences.
I can hear some, maybe most of you now, "You heartless S.O.B. You can't even see past your easy life to feel compassion for others, in this case two of them deceased."
My response - smell the coffee. First, you don't know me or what I feel (in this case genuine sadness for those directly affected at all levels and for each of us for reacting in a manner, which will ensure subsequent incidents). Second, step back from the emotion of the circumstances to see the real tragedy and legitimate, lasting solution. Third, see popular opinion for what it typically is, easily mislead and seldom deeply thought out.
What are THE issues?
First, as alluded to above, THE issue in each of the three cases above is poor choices, in the great majority of cases, lead to harsh consequences, typically much harsher than we believed at the time we made the choices.
While some of you will argue I am moralizing, we can agree to disagree. However, you are not disagreeing with me on the foundation question of the first issue. All three of the instances noted above at something in common sexually promiscuous conduct, which mistakes physical intimacy with anything other than animal instinct.
Matthew Shepherd, a homosexual college student was slain by two men he believed he was being picked up by. Tragic? Absolutely. Should the killers be punished? Unquestionably and it has nothing to do with a "hate crime." (Side note two - isn't any murder a hate crime?). Natalie Holloway was a high school senior in Aruba on Spring Break, slain apparently after a night of drinking and looking to "hook up" ( a young adult term, we called in the 70s and 80s, "getting laid"). Appalling? Yes. Important the killers found and brought to justice? Beyond discussion. And finally young Wilson, who went from promising young person to convicted felon in approximately one month after joining friends for a night of sex fun with high school girls including one only 15. Regrettable? Yep. Awful circumstances, which unfolded, despite Wilson's good intent? Can't be disputed? Miscarriage of justice? Don't need to be an attorney to answer that question.
In all three cases, if, each understand the nature and purpose of physical intimacy, as something other than simply minutes or hours of fun, two might well be alive and young Wilson be approaching his senior year in college as a scholarship student-athlete.
Yet, in all three cases, parents approach to the matter has been the same - take NO (Shepherd and Holloway) or little (Wilson) responsibility for the choices they and their children made, which contributed materially to the final outcome.
I am deeply saddened a young person of any orientation had his or her life shortened, under any circumstances or for any reason. However, what conversations had the parents of Shepherd and Holloway had with them about the perils of "hooking up?" Again, I'm not trying to moralize, though I do have strong moral convictions. Get practical. If you are going to let your kid troll, please love them enough to talk to them about the perils (like drinking and trolling are a bad mix, regardless of how common they are). Advise them for example, "Be drunk," or "Troll for sex." Don't however do them together!" Or, how about, "Hook up with someone you know rather than a complete stranger. Sure there's less intrique and excitement. There is also some less risk you will die from either a hit in the head or contract an STD. Yes, people do get murdered by neighbors. However, the accountability in even today's neighborhoods moves the percentages slightly in one's favor.
More troubling and at least as likely to ensure future episodes is the unwillingness of the parents to accept even some responsibility, focusing the blame instead on the sexual climate in the nation (not accepting enough - Shepherd), the legal system in Aruba (not competent - Holloway) and the legislative process (not accurate enough, convoluted - Wilson).
What was Natalie Holloway's mom thinking when she sent an 18 year to Aruba with friends with money, free time, string bikinis and no accountability? Really, regardless of how common, does that sound like an equation for an effective outcome?
Choices have consequences and poor choices have, in most cases, very difficult consequences whose outcomes linger far longer than any enjoyment the choice netted.
Why are we afraid to continue to discuss how life actually works? Oh, I forgot. All values are neutral. No, no they really aren't. Responsible conduct still greatly (as in 90%) reduces the likelihood of a tragedy occurring at the hands of another.
I hope young Wilson does not have to spend 10 years in prison. However, he chose to take that risk, when he decided to have sex with two different girls and to allow himself to be videotaped. I am almost certain what he gained in those few minutes, regardless of who asked who (what happened to declining) was not worth the direction his life has gone.
I so wish I could give him that choice back to make differently. It is my hope his poor choices will indeed fuel a life of achievement beyond prison and a life of talking to individuals about the power of choice.
Choose wisely.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Silly Southerners - Weather Perspective
I have lived in the South, specifically Texas, the vast majority of my 47 years. There is a greater than zero chance I will live in this area my entire life. I enjoy the people (though I have met fine people elsewhere), the climate, the diverse scenery, the food and a host of other aspects of life in Texas. However, I was reminded this week end how silly we can be.
Beginning Friday morning, media outlets dedicated themselves to coverage of "The Artic Blast," "Ice Storm," "Icy Blast" and numerous other titles they gave a weather system, which was to pass through this area (North central Texas, DFW area) beginning Saturday evening.
Listening to the radio or watching TV was somewhat akin to having the hiccups. Just as I would have settled into something - there it was. The weather break-in reminding me of the impending doom. It was going to be cold. Not fake cold but actual bone-chilling cold, the roads impassible, the very prospect of survival in question. This stacatto pattern of programming and frequent interruption for announcements regarding the impending freeze continues through today.
I was at the supermarket Friday evening late (11:30 PM) and it was wiped out. Folks were prepared to hunker down and wait out the "Artic Blast."
It was cold this morning with wind chill between 8 - 12 throughout the DFW area. That's considered cold in most all parts of the country. Yet, without certainty, I'd bet we will have a day in the 50s within 10 days. I wonder if the folks in South Dakota will have the same luxury? Maine? Wyoming?
I was reminded throughout the weekend how little perspective we have on cold weather. Yes, I am pleased the area's media outlets are cautious. And, because this area's cities do not possess winter weather resources in large measure (no snow plows in city garages in Dallas, Fort Worth, nor likely any other city or county within 300 miles of here), it was important for citizens in our area to reorient their thinking some regarding highway travel, touch football, popping over to the grocery store, sending the kids out in the yard in the usual attire, etc. BUT was this event worthy of three entire days of almost wall to wall media coverage.
Folks say life in the South is slower. Apparently it is. Although, after a untold number of scenes of cars sliding around on semi-frozen overpasses, I believe I have catalogued most of the slide angle possibilities. Additionally, I am going to undertake a research project to determine if the poor camera operators who get assigned the "Car may slide on overpass" duty set up "squares" games similar to those used for major sporting events to guess what model of vehicle will first loose control, how many vehicles will slide before contact with a stationary object is made, etc.
Well, we survived. We got the rain we sorely needed, city operations' centers got to operate to knock the rust off before the Spring Tornado season, grocery stores were able to practice their run on the bread aisle drills and News anchors got were able to determine how long they could remain "On the Air ready" before make-up touch-ups were needed. All, important items here in the South.
We are so blessed. We get delightful, if unpredictable, weather most all the time. We forget that we do on half a dozen days a year and when we go over the top baby we go WAY over the top.
Stay warm, smile at the beauty of the tree branches iced over in the sun and use a Mapsco to find an alternate route around frozen overpasses so you don't become someone's winning square.
Reporting live from the now thawed Artic Blast,
I'm Bart Castle
Beginning Friday morning, media outlets dedicated themselves to coverage of "The Artic Blast," "Ice Storm," "Icy Blast" and numerous other titles they gave a weather system, which was to pass through this area (North central Texas, DFW area) beginning Saturday evening.
Listening to the radio or watching TV was somewhat akin to having the hiccups. Just as I would have settled into something - there it was. The weather break-in reminding me of the impending doom. It was going to be cold. Not fake cold but actual bone-chilling cold, the roads impassible, the very prospect of survival in question. This stacatto pattern of programming and frequent interruption for announcements regarding the impending freeze continues through today.
I was at the supermarket Friday evening late (11:30 PM) and it was wiped out. Folks were prepared to hunker down and wait out the "Artic Blast."
It was cold this morning with wind chill between 8 - 12 throughout the DFW area. That's considered cold in most all parts of the country. Yet, without certainty, I'd bet we will have a day in the 50s within 10 days. I wonder if the folks in South Dakota will have the same luxury? Maine? Wyoming?
I was reminded throughout the weekend how little perspective we have on cold weather. Yes, I am pleased the area's media outlets are cautious. And, because this area's cities do not possess winter weather resources in large measure (no snow plows in city garages in Dallas, Fort Worth, nor likely any other city or county within 300 miles of here), it was important for citizens in our area to reorient their thinking some regarding highway travel, touch football, popping over to the grocery store, sending the kids out in the yard in the usual attire, etc. BUT was this event worthy of three entire days of almost wall to wall media coverage.
Folks say life in the South is slower. Apparently it is. Although, after a untold number of scenes of cars sliding around on semi-frozen overpasses, I believe I have catalogued most of the slide angle possibilities. Additionally, I am going to undertake a research project to determine if the poor camera operators who get assigned the "Car may slide on overpass" duty set up "squares" games similar to those used for major sporting events to guess what model of vehicle will first loose control, how many vehicles will slide before contact with a stationary object is made, etc.
Well, we survived. We got the rain we sorely needed, city operations' centers got to operate to knock the rust off before the Spring Tornado season, grocery stores were able to practice their run on the bread aisle drills and News anchors got were able to determine how long they could remain "On the Air ready" before make-up touch-ups were needed. All, important items here in the South.
We are so blessed. We get delightful, if unpredictable, weather most all the time. We forget that we do on half a dozen days a year and when we go over the top baby we go WAY over the top.
Stay warm, smile at the beauty of the tree branches iced over in the sun and use a Mapsco to find an alternate route around frozen overpasses so you don't become someone's winning square.
Reporting live from the now thawed Artic Blast,
I'm Bart Castle
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Resolutions
A new year. Time for resolutions. Okay, recently time for resolutions. I heard a fellow make an interesting comment recently. He said this, "Going forward, I will not make a long list of resolutions, which in the past I have typically failed to meet. Most before the end of January. Instead, I am going to make a few, thoughtful covenants."
He continued by explaining how different a covenant made felt to him than a resolution.
Imagine what our world might look like if we all made a few, thoughtful, meaningful covenants and kept them? Covenants such as seeking the best for others, placing others' needs ahead of our own, listening first and speaking ONLY after the speaker was understood, telling the truth (the old fashioned kind - not the spun, it depends upon the situation kind) all the time, forgiving others and suspending judgment until we had a bit more information (or entirely in some cases).
It still can - perhaps this fellow will have started something with you and me.
He continued by explaining how different a covenant made felt to him than a resolution.
Imagine what our world might look like if we all made a few, thoughtful, meaningful covenants and kept them? Covenants such as seeking the best for others, placing others' needs ahead of our own, listening first and speaking ONLY after the speaker was understood, telling the truth (the old fashioned kind - not the spun, it depends upon the situation kind) all the time, forgiving others and suspending judgment until we had a bit more information (or entirely in some cases).
It still can - perhaps this fellow will have started something with you and me.
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