Revelations - Power & Pain

Over the years, those very inconsistent times I spent any time in God's Word, the stories of people hearing from God seemed distant, remote. Not like a fairy tale rather more like a story of a very distant relative you know to have actually lived, but somehow so removed from your own life and experience the story does seem to be right at the edge of reality and fantasy. And so, revelations made to prophets, kings, and regular folks throughout the Old and New Testament I now realize I met with essentially a spiritual, "whatever."

Over the past three and a half years, as a separation became a divorce, as three precious children have moved from innocent to often angry, from joy-filled to often, predictably sad;  adults foolish enough to believe entertainment, or a new place to live, or anything else will take the place of the confusion that the adult act of betraying one's children for the sake of one's own emotions, revelations have gone from vague wispy tales to real life experiences for me - I am humbled. What God has provided has morphed from some far away story to real facts about me, Bart Wayne Castle, who I became and could easily become again should I choose to step away from Him yet again. Humbling. Soul-searing painful. Simple to see - finally. Hard to be willing to sit and examine carefully.

God has been faithful to the prayers of more than I could count. Some, like Ken and Shirley Castle (aka the parental units as a teen would have said 35 years ago when I was a teen), Kendra Kunkle and Janna Hamilton, and their husbands, Bart and Bart (yes, you read that correctly), Steve Mack, a dear friend of approaching 40 years, Steve Eldridge, Hutch Hailey, Phil Petty, Mark Atchley and Jeff Lucas just to name a few have been praying for long years I would hear what God has been trying to say. And those friends have been joined by others Keith Nagengast, newer friends Bryan Duncan, Bob, Anthony, Nathan, Darren . . . . all praying that the revelations would be real. The truth, regardless how painful heard, and the life God has always intended for me begun. A life of peace, calm, of happiness beyond circumstance, and of thanks for grace which now seen is more and more clearly beyond my wildest imagination.

Thank all of those of you who love me for the humbling honor of your persistent prayers.

The revelations have been painful, at times, breathtakingly so. Like that punch in the gut from a stranger never saw before the contact. Revelations regarding:

• My lack of gratitude for people, and things, especially those closest to me;
• My withering criticism of others, all the while my flaws on display unchecked and arrogant;
• My arrogance at things I had nothing to do with, gifts (again unappreciated) such as amazing health, unselfish, godly parents, sisters who have loved me and those I love, brother-in-laws who have put up with me, when my selfishness intruded into their lives, nieces and nephews who love me in spite of my flawed uncleness, professional opportunities with talented, engaging people who have been encumbered at times by my lack of attention to detail (and arrogance about it), faith families who gave me opportunities to serve well ahead of my immaturity, two wives who were patient until they finally broke, and three dear children now broken hearted and headed for an entire life of complication;
• My unwillingness to confess my sin at more than the surface level, likely to check a box, foolishly believing somehow God was fooled;
• My unwillingness to let go of a life of anxiety, pain, and foolish pride because of fear;
• My foolish notion that God might not actually have a clear idea of my needs; and
• My selfishness toward - everything and everyone;
• My need to be right;
• My need to control; and 
• My reluctance to embrace sadness, grieve the many losses the previous items have produced, and instead choose to embrace the reality that God can, is, and will continue to "Restore the years the locust consumed" if I will get out of HIS way.

God does speak to me. Persistently, clearly, and regularly. No. Not audibly. That has not been my experience. Or . . . has it. Perhaps those are HIS words in the counsel of godly friends, work associates who are wise, and strangers who say things not even intended for me that minister to some need I am experiencing as I hear the words.

I imagine He has had 32 years of things He was to revel to me. I didn't need them. I was busy. Busy wondering whether the revelations were just a mirage. They were not. The mirage was in my own, self-absorbed mind. Thank you Father for your persistence. Please make me open to continued revelations about what else I need to change to be more of the Bart you had in mind, than this person I created who has ignored and injured many - beginning with You, the one who has loved me most.

Revelations. Real. Powerful. Painful. Keys to freedom - if I want to be free. And, that may be the most daunting revelation of all. Do I really want to be free? 

Fully Engaged

No. Simmer down. I am not getting remarried (as if that would be news). By fully engaged, I mean it is fascinating, this side of beginning to get a clue, how unengaged I was in my own life. Sadly, that does not make me unique. It makes me very common.

American has become a land of those who want others to engage their life for them, fixing those challenges brought on by both personal choices and the personal choices of others. Statistics suggest we'd rather eat a greasy burger and cheer for someone else on Biggest Loser than get off the couch and create a motivational environment in our own life. Rather gripe about the health insurance system than discontinue the virtual non-stop ingestion of crap, absence of exercise and franctic materialism that is literally killing us.

In companies, HR departments say employees' personal lives are none of their employers business. Really? Then why is it employees literally ask employers everyday for raises because the employees have gotten themselves into a jam via poor money management, relationship skills, and plain emotional immaturity?

Don't want your employer in your personal life - then manage it (so you aren't asking your employer to bail your behind out when you act childishly)!

Gotta run. MY life is calling.

Challenge for Kids? ADULTS!

Wonder just how foolish, and dangerous to ourselves we've become? Read this article:

http://news.yahoo.com/sex-changing-treatment-kids-rise-050220027.html

The article quotes a Boston doctor who runs a clinic that apparently is one of the leading advocates for children, as young as 8 - yes, 8, who desire sex changes.

Are there really adults who are so inexperienced with children that they do not know that an 8 year old, even a very bright one, still lacks the emotional maturity to effectively decide what to wear many days, much less to make a decision that will dramatically, and almost certainly, in many cases, if not most cases catastrophically alter the rest of the child's life? 8? What about 18, or 28?

That a parent anywhere would listen to this physician is simply more evidence of one thing in my mind (and I am willing to take full responsibility for this conclusion) there is one primary thing wrong with children over the past 40 years - ADULTS! Adults who are NUTS with a capital N. Adults whose desire to make a name for themselves, avoid discipline, pain, or the slightest ridicule from family members and friends who are nuts, or both, has parenting at what surely must be an all time low. And, children making decisions with implications they will only fully understand much later in life as they experience incredibly challenging consequences which will likely haunt some the rest of their lives. Lives also likely filled with anger, resentment, bitterness, or all three at parents who were cowardly, selfish, or otherwise concerned about themselves and sleeping at the switch of their children's lives.

Tough issue? Sure. But who said effective parenting was supposed to be easy? My heart is broken for the 8 year old mentioned, and all the other children referred to in the piece. Talk about child abuse! Where are the grown ups here? Where are the people asking what in the world this doctor is smoking?

God have mercy on us as we continue this societal, and global freefall at our own hands, unwilling to trust the perfection of your plans for us. Forgive me Father for those times when I thought my ways were higher than your ways in my own life, and my children's. I am clueless absent YOUR direction.

When Its About Me Bites Me It Stinks to Me

The truth can be very hard to swallow, especially about oneself. Trust me, after dodging it about myself for three decades, it took a shot to the life chops and hard work I resisted at every step (and some days continue to resist), and will require continual diligence the remainder of my life to keep the truth in front of me in order to be my best me.

We face the same challenge in this great land of ours today. Why is America floundering? Quite simply because we have become a land where hard questions are largely unwelcome, and hard work is considered inconvenient, uncomfortable and unnecessary - traded for the fool's gold of easy answers, slick promises and short-cut folly. The myth regarding the value of litigating, or threatening to litigate, everything is but one example.

This morning making the web is this story:

http://news.yahoo.com/white-house-party-crasher-sues-wife-50m-164827120.html

about, Tareq Salahi who is suing his wife for $50 million dollars claiming her affair with a Journey band member was designed to profit her and them (Journey, the band) while harming him in various ways.

That she had an affair, regardless of the reason, speaks to her character. However, the suit rings hollow and shows what a wasteland the judicial system has become if it does not simply get thrown out. Why? Here's why - Salahi and his wife are names you may recognize as the couple who crashed a White House state dinner in 2099.

Think about it. Didn't Salahi himself condone self-promotion for gain, grand-standing and social  conventions' disregard by his act with his wife of crashing the important dinner in the country's most significant venue? Where was his regard for people's feelings then? Where was his regard for rules and conventions then? What did he think his wife would think life on the big stage was about after they staged that stunt? And no. I do not condone her affair, mixed signals from him or not. But he's surprised? If so, Mr. Salahi must not be a very bright bulb.

Wake up Tareq! You helped create this Frankenstein. Now you want to complain that the monster's loose? Stinks doesn't it? Choices DO have consequences - regardless what we in America would like to believe today. When the law is used flippantly, before long it serves less and less value, used instead for crap like this. Might Mr. Let's Be Famous at the White House have been injured, emotionally and financially? He might have. However, didn't he have a large hand in at least creating an environment where the pain would occur?

As Americans we want the economy to improve. Understandable. And we are going to depend upon the officials we elected to get us out of a mess we collectively created, based on a continent-crush with Europe by the left (Yes, that Europe the one in even bigger economic shambles), and our growing disdain for anything hard? Right. How about we, beginning with me, discontinue the practice of keeping up with the neighbors - who are also living over their household budget (if they even have one)? How about all of us, beginning with me, get a grip on the notion we are NOT our stuff, money won't buy happiness (or wealthy celebrities would not take their own lives with some regularity - and I mean BIG celebrities with loads of cash), and the law is a weak reflection of us running from ourselves?

Please understand, I  love America. Have no interest in living anywhere else. Yet, deep love and hard, pointed questions about me/us, do not mean I do not love me (or you, or us). Rather, I would argue vigorously just the opposite is true. It is an unwillingness to ask hard questions, work through rather than avoid pain, and see myself/us as I really am rather than some fantasized notion of me (you, or us) that is the path to greater effectiveness.

Mr. Salahi, take your lumps and get out of the court-house. If that's really what the former Ms. Salahi is about, you'd be well-advised to let her join the band and play on. If something in America doesn't begin to change, and fairly soon, you will have your pick of other individuals who want to play your it's about me, until me bites me game.

WAKE UP Bart. The greatest part of the journey is embedded in the hard questions and their answers, the work required to answer the questions and the continual pursuit of new hard questions. Look in the mirror, do you see Tareq peeking over your shoulder at times? Or are you Tareq?

The VERY Low Bar of the Law II

Need you any evidence of the VERY low bar set by "the law", take a gander at the defense's request to drop the charges against Penn State administrators accused of failing to effectively notify the proper authorities about alleged pedophile, Jerry Sandusky's molestation of a child on the Penn State campus. Both are asking the charges be dropped on technical issues.

Shut up with the, "Those issues are in the law for use, and can be valuable to the legal process." I get that legal breath. Read the title of the post! The VERY low bar of the Law - that's the point. A child was molested, and HIS life will NEVER be the same again, nor apparently will a number of other young men. Young men whose productive lives had yet begun. Young men, already identified "at risk" battling the current of growing up against the current of other likely foolish adult choices, sodomized, and two grown men who had long productive lives want out of their responsibility for failing to protect the children on a legal technicality? Now that's what I call being a real man - on the part of BOTH their attorneys and the two men.

Again, shut-up legal breath with the,  "Well the two men are just heeding counsel." Here's a newflash lost in America in 2012. Attorneys provide a SERVICE. If they provide counsel I do not believe is ethical, moral or appropriate - I am the CUSTOMER and I say, "Thanks, but that answer is unacceptable."

Both men are interested in ONE thing - avoiding responsibility for what they failed to do - use their grown-up executive brains to protect the innocent. Didn't. Now they want their mommy, the law, to protect them. Odd, if they used their own standards, they don't get protected.

They may get off. Some do. I hope their own grandchildren's young lives never depend upon men who run behind legal technicalities as their grandfather's have!

However, what am I thinking? This is America where innocent life is illegally taken literally each day. Life I said, the VERY low bar of the law. Here's the saddest part of all - we, collectively are the law. Next time you here Oprah, Ellen, Bill, or some other shill talking about how we have "evolved" think again.

Father we need your protection - from ourselves.

Dog Training and Connection

Today, on the radio program, New Life Live, hosted by author Steve Arterburn , along with Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. Sheri Denham a fascinating point was made by Cloud.

Cloud, co-author, along with Dr. John Townsend of the powerful, "Boundaries" series noted that recently his family had a young puppy that they believed needed training. The decision was based upon the puppy's breed, Rottweiler/Doberman mix (talk about doggie fire-power). The trainer came in and watched the dog briefly interact with the family. Almost immediately, the trainer noted it was significant that the dog, though just a puppy, did not make eye contact with family members. Instead the pup was constantly scanning the landscape. The trainer commented, "That's bad. That's predator behavior, which we have to fix by teaching the puppy how to connect with each of you."

Incredulous, the family ask how that could be done. For the following week the family was to carry treats in their pockets and any time the puppy made eye contact, and held it, he got a treat. Within a very short time, the predator behavior of failing to make connect was gone - because the young dog associated connection and treats.

What, pray tell, was that discussion doing on a call-in program about relationships? A great deal actually.

Cloud went on to talk briefly about the importance of eye contact between people who love each other (hey, it is Valentine's Day), in developing connection - the glue of lasting, mutually satisfying relationships. He asked the humorous question, "In your relationship, does your partner get "treats" if he or she uses eye contact and works to build connection? After laughing Arterburn and Denham asked, is it possible that the thing that damages the connections in your relationships (spouse, significant other, children, work, whatever) is the fact that when people you supposedly care about come into the room, you do not make sincere, lasting eye contact signaling their value to your and your desire to connect with them - instead you scan the room - as if there might be better options?

As I contemplated the notion further, I was reminded of those times I've felt least satisfied at parties, family gatherings, even church. It hit me. I was the problem (I know that will be a news flash to some of you who know me). As I scanned the room, like a politician who cares for no one and everyone to the extent his or her vote is still in play vote. The people I had barely connected with as I scanned the room felt deeply how little regard (or love) they were being shown. My eye communication said, "I am making sure I choose the best among you," or "I am available to to a future, better option should it occur (as opposed to fully engaged with you NOW)." Gracious, how many times had I pridefully dissed people right in front of me, my former spouses, my sweet kids, dear friends, or my family who has put up with my crap for 52 years. What a sad scary answer that turns out to be.

The Bible regularly comments, Old and New Testament about the notion of, "Seeing, yet not seeing." Dogs get it. Wow - why didn't I? Humans need that connection provided by sustained eye contact every bit, almost certainly more than Fido.

I was in the car literally 10 minutes before I had to get out. Thanks Henry for the guts to throw out that topic which got you lampooned initially (dogs and connections on Valentine's Day) . I will never look at Fido quite the same. More importantly, I hope I am more intentional about providing the "treat" of connection to those who I love and care deeply about, as well as those I am attempting to serve, or get to know. WAKE UP Bart!

BTW the way, to hear additional great ideas on relationships check out: www.newlife.com for a radio station in your area. After all, it isn't every Valentine's Day you get a hint about how to build love with a doggie biscuit!

Proud of Texas' New Law

On October 1st of 2011, a law in Texas went into effect, requiring women about to undergo an abortion to undergo a sonogram prior to the abortion procedure. Now, Planned Parenthood (aka your tax dollars at slaughter) is complaining that women sometimes "Covered their ears as the sounds of fetal heartbeats echoed in their exam rooms."

Wow, what a news flash.

Suddenly, even vaunted science cannot hide the reality that the "fetus" is not an it. It is a thing, a living thing, a human thing - whose life is about to be snuffed out. That might be disturbing to a woman about to participate in silencing the fetal heartbeat? You think?

Do I think every person who has had, or wants an abortion is a monster? I do not. Do I think it is more than reasonable to assume many have been sucked in by the societal machine that sucks out infants? Yes, frankly I do. And, I am elated that the science so often used by the Left to do harm is now making it unmistakably clear that the "choice" is a choice between life and death. The choice between unselfishly accepting responsibility for one's actions and blaming them on circumstances. By and large as a nation, we'd rather not do that, it's too uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable? How uncomfortable must it be to be a fetus at the hands of an abortion doctor?

I am proud to be a Texan where this law is concerned. I can only hope common sense is contagious! I'm not optimistic on this front sadly. Too much selfishness, too much money, too much responsibility - we don't do those things. It's 2012 and we're what? Sophisticated? Right.