The REAL Tragedy

Read the story posted at this link:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=wilson (if the link won't load type in the URL). It deals yet another tragic situation where a poor decision began a set consequences, which will change a young person's life forever - and without serious work, possibly effective counseling - change his life negatively.
Unfortunately, stories like this will reoccur with increasing frequency. They will not reoccur because the criminal justice system is a mess, though it is obviously imperfect. They will not reoccur because are perfected - never happen - laws are produced by imperfect humans. They will not reoccur because society is uptight in its values, though individuals continue to press the need for a values-neutral society. (Side question - isn't such a phrase - values neutral - an oxymoron?)
Such tragic stories will continue and will escalate for a several very specific reasons discussed briefly below.
The real tragedy of the Wilson case, like the Natalie Holloway case, like the Matthew Shepherd case, and the list could go on, these simply happen to be three of the most high profile over the past ten years, is the fact that the discussion is not about THE issue, it's about the symptoms.
No one discusses the issue. Not the parent(s), not the friends, not the affected individuals (when they can still be present to speak), not the attorneys, certainly not the national media (in any medium) and not lawmakers.
Wilson himself, reflective after what have to have been three very long, hard years alludes to the issue - poor choices STILL typically have harsh consequences.
I can hear some, maybe most of you now, "You heartless S.O.B. You can't even see past your easy life to feel compassion for others, in this case two of them deceased."
My response - smell the coffee. First, you don't know me or what I feel (in this case genuine sadness for those directly affected at all levels and for each of us for reacting in a manner, which will ensure subsequent incidents). Second, step back from the emotion of the circumstances to see the real tragedy and legitimate, lasting solution. Third, see popular opinion for what it typically is, easily mislead and seldom deeply thought out.
What are THE issues?
First, as alluded to above, THE issue in each of the three cases above is poor choices, in the great majority of cases, lead to harsh consequences, typically much harsher than we believed at the time we made the choices.
While some of you will argue I am moralizing, we can agree to disagree. However, you are not disagreeing with me on the foundation question of the first issue. All three of the instances noted above at something in common sexually promiscuous conduct, which mistakes physical intimacy with anything other than animal instinct.
Matthew Shepherd, a homosexual college student was slain by two men he believed he was being picked up by. Tragic? Absolutely. Should the killers be punished? Unquestionably and it has nothing to do with a "hate crime." (Side note two - isn't any murder a hate crime?). Natalie Holloway was a high school senior in Aruba on Spring Break, slain apparently after a night of drinking and looking to "hook up" ( a young adult term, we called in the 70s and 80s, "getting laid"). Appalling? Yes. Important the killers found and brought to justice? Beyond discussion. And finally young Wilson, who went from promising young person to convicted felon in approximately one month after joining friends for a night of sex fun with high school girls including one only 15. Regrettable? Yep. Awful circumstances, which unfolded, despite Wilson's good intent? Can't be disputed? Miscarriage of justice? Don't need to be an attorney to answer that question.
In all three cases, if, each understand the nature and purpose of physical intimacy, as something other than simply minutes or hours of fun, two might well be alive and young Wilson be approaching his senior year in college as a scholarship student-athlete.
Yet, in all three cases, parents approach to the matter has been the same - take NO (Shepherd and Holloway) or little (Wilson) responsibility for the choices they and their children made, which contributed materially to the final outcome.
I am deeply saddened a young person of any orientation had his or her life shortened, under any circumstances or for any reason. However, what conversations had the parents of Shepherd and Holloway had with them about the perils of "hooking up?" Again, I'm not trying to moralize, though I do have strong moral convictions. Get practical. If you are going to let your kid troll, please love them enough to talk to them about the perils (like drinking and trolling are a bad mix, regardless of how common they are). Advise them for example, "Be drunk," or "Troll for sex." Don't however do them together!" Or, how about, "Hook up with someone you know rather than a complete stranger. Sure there's less intrique and excitement. There is also some less risk you will die from either a hit in the head or contract an STD. Yes, people do get murdered by neighbors. However, the accountability in even today's neighborhoods moves the percentages slightly in one's favor.
More troubling and at least as likely to ensure future episodes is the unwillingness of the parents to accept even some responsibility, focusing the blame instead on the sexual climate in the nation (not accepting enough - Shepherd), the legal system in Aruba (not competent - Holloway) and the legislative process (not accurate enough, convoluted - Wilson).
What was Natalie Holloway's mom thinking when she sent an 18 year to Aruba with friends with money, free time, string bikinis and no accountability? Really, regardless of how common, does that sound like an equation for an effective outcome?
Choices have consequences and poor choices have, in most cases, very difficult consequences whose outcomes linger far longer than any enjoyment the choice netted.
Why are we afraid to continue to discuss how life actually works? Oh, I forgot. All values are neutral. No, no they really aren't. Responsible conduct still greatly (as in 90%) reduces the likelihood of a tragedy occurring at the hands of another.
I hope young Wilson does not have to spend 10 years in prison. However, he chose to take that risk, when he decided to have sex with two different girls and to allow himself to be videotaped. I am almost certain what he gained in those few minutes, regardless of who asked who (what happened to declining) was not worth the direction his life has gone.
I so wish I could give him that choice back to make differently. It is my hope his poor choices will indeed fuel a life of achievement beyond prison and a life of talking to individuals about the power of choice.
Choose wisely.