He Was Right - Would Not Trade

The day after my wife and I separated, the precursor to a divorce, I encountered a man at church I knew casually. I explained to him how helpful something he had said at a recovery meeting just days before had been. He thanked me. He then made an assertion, which I believed at the time to be nuts. He said, "If I could get back what I had but to do so would have to give back what I have now in terms of knowing God, myself, and others, I would not make that trade." As I said, I thought he was nuts. He was not.

Today, I can say with sincerity I have never had greater clarity about who I can be absent God's love and leading. I can accept responsibility for a dark story that began with an ill-advised relationship in college, destroyed two marriages and has left my children living the painful double life of divorce (my prideful, foolish generation's gift to the country). Because of God's love, and that of others, including though by no means limited to Ken & Shirley (my parents), Janna and Kendra (my dear sisters), Bart Hamilton and Bart Kunkel (my brothers-in-law), Kellie Stockton (my former spouse), Bryan Duncan (my mentor and friend at Celebration Fellowship), James Reeves (the pastor at Celebration who first, along with Kellie, really kicked my behind), Steve Mack, Steve Eldridge, Mark Love and Brent Matthews (four finer friends a man could not have) - and many others, I know that the dark story does not define me, unless I choose to allow it to do so.

I feel lighter than air having experienced grace at the most practical level, life with Godly people who know the secrets and have said repeatedly, "We love you. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You didn't get here overnight, you won't get to a new place overnight. However, God will reward the effort to change along the way." He has. In spades, as the expression goes.

My buddy? His comment about the trade? Dead on. I was fortunate to live life with Kellie Stockton for almost 15 years. I know she too wants to know the Father's heart. Wish I had done so many things differently to nourish that desire in her rather than obstruct it. Woulda, coulda, shoulda - didn't. On we both go, literally in God's grace.

Me, though so difficult for three innocent children, I am another who would not make the trade. God will watch over Kellie, Ashton, Alexys and Andrew and show me how to be a godly friend, and effective father in the situation we provided Him to work with. That's what He does; make things new. I do not make the comment lightly. I wish it could have been otherwise. I was too hard-hearted, prideful and selfish. One more reason to look out the windshield and not the rear view!

Here's a hint. Don't wait and be forced to consider the trade. Love those in your life TODAY. Nourish their vulnerabilities. Be honored they have shared them with you. Let God show you how to navigate the challenges of life as you go.