Emotional Age

I have had 50 birthdays. And, 50 feels much more youthful than I imaged. Okay, I will admit, being blessed with children who are 12, 9 and 7 helps. I get to coach little league, go to Daddy daughter dances (fortunately they dim the lights so my dancing is largely disguised), and have acquaintances who are in their late 20s and early 30s to keep me up to date on the latest scary social happenings for kids, my kids age.

Despite my calendar birthdays, I am realizing my emotional age lagged far behind my biological age. The diagnosis, though painful was relatively easy.

How so you ask? Well, I believe it is summed up succinctly by the line used often by the financial educator, Dave Ramsey, who makes the statement, "Adults devise a plan and execute it, children make decisions based on their emotions."

I am trying to help my children begin to learn the lesson from the comment above, even as I work toward it with more consistency myself. Even during a challenging season of life, I get to decide my emotions. Others can only make me feel the way I CHOOSE to allow them to make me feel. Unkind words, thoughtless guestures, games, the crazy driver in traffic, kids, spouses (or estranged spouses) can only push my buttons - if I make those buttons available. I can choose to be respectful, pleasant, content, forgiving - regardless of what is coming my way.

Easy to be loving when another is unloving? Heck no. Even an emotionally mature person is not a robot. However, an individual who is emotionally mature realizes that any short-term gain achieved by acting nasty in return is typically very short-term and often expensive in the long-term. Besides, grumpy and unloving, victimage and self-pity are easy to come by in today's world. Does the world really need another grumpy, woe is me, person. I think not.

So, ask yourself today, better yet, ask a trusted friend who won't blow you smoke, "Based on my typical conduct - especially under pressure or trial - does my emotional age match my biological age?" If they say yes, congratulations and keep up the good work. If, on the other hand they say no, you still win. You have information you can build on, and, you can join me in the work to get them closer together. Either answer you win!

Here's to the emotionally mature people I know, and I am fortunate to know several. Thank you for the powerful example. For those of you who have put up with the gap in me, thank you for your grace and mercy.

To life with the gap narrowed!