Letting Go

As this unfortunate summer began, little did I know how tightly I was actually grasping at things over which I had NO real control. As such, when friends starting talking about, "Letting go of things," such as any action taken by my estranged spouse, my children's behavior, my expectations regarding how my life was supposed to look at 50, and a host of other things far to lengthy for a blog post, I remember thinking, "That should be easy, I have very few things I think I control."

WRONG - control boy!

Additionally, when those same friends (old and new) spoke about the peace I would find once I did in fact let things go, again, my bald head was filled with erroneous notions. Chief among them, how important my input was to the effective outcome of many things, as if I was god (whew, I am not, I now know).

ABSOLUTELY WRONG - control boy!!

Over the past 9 or so weeks, it has become clear to me that

• I control myself, on a good day (and even then the "control" can be tenuous);
• I absolutely do NOT control anyone else (regardless of how close he/she/they might be to me);
• I DO NOT need to control others (that is a level of responsibility I do not need, nor want);
• That attempting to control others is the ultimate form of disrespect and it hampers the growth of others;
• The freedom which comes from the realization regarding how little control I have, once more fully understood, has begun to produce a peace I could not imagine (and am still surprised by - why the heck did I not get this 30 years ago - brick brain); and
• Outcomes are in the hands of GOD - and I AM NOT HIM!

Do I still occasionally freak, or try to control? Surely that's a rhetorical question on your part. I'm almost 51 years old and have been trying to control every one but Bart for at least 32 years. Control boy is mortally wounded but because he's ornery, it is taking awhile for him to go down. However, because God loves me, has shown me mercy - even in the midst of this self-inflicted mess - and continues to stand scanning the horizon from His kids to come home (just as He did in the story of the Prodigal Son), when I dropped the control rope, He has run with open arms, a response breathtaking in its reality.

Stressed out? Relationships of any kind in distress? Feeling overwhelmed? Drop the rope. No, drop the notion you have the rope - you don't. Being in control is a very American notion - that is WRONG. Drop the rope and you will be amazed, literally amazed out what God might have in mind.

Here's to a life lived without the stress of the allusion of control . . . .