I am proud of LCHS. The letter shows a sense about youthful romance, which is going to happen, sometimes setting the stage for relationship patterns the rest of one's life (more often than not it seems those patterns are negative, unproductive ones). The discussion in the posting, including the piece of a letter sent to young people who appear to have an interest in each other, exhibits an unapologetic balance, sorely needed in our culture - including the Body of Christ.
Sex is real. God created it, and intends a special mind and heart boggling purpose for it, in a specific context. He loves us enough to provide story after story in His own Word about the consequences of doing it ANY other way! His was is not cultural, time-bound, or old-fashioned. We have believed so since we first starting walking the rotating ball - to our collective detriment. Sorry Lady Gaga. You may have artistic talent. You haven't a clue what the special gift of sexuality was meant to be. And your "contributions" sadly will produce more long-term heart break not less, more gravel fewer diamonds.
Finally, those of you whose heads might be exploding at this old fashioned post by me, ask yourself this, which is more common in nature, gravel or diamonds? Which is more valuable? Diamonds are rare. Created over long periods of time, under great pressure. And their value is based upon how rare they are - NOT how common! More sex, in different ways, with different people will not increase the value of sex. To the contrary it diminishes the value of sex, and more tragically, the lives of the people splashing around in it. Really! - Just ask Marilyn Monroe, or Demi Moore. They were/are liberated aren't' they. How is that working out?
One more reason I am proud to be an Eagle! So here's to first kisses done right, romance begun when it can be handled with at least a glimpse of emotional maturity (at say 17, 18 or beyond), modest dress (dad's, what the heck are you thinking sending your daughter's out with their panties on display), and heart-lifting, person affirming sex based on the manufacturer's instructions (versus some cheap knock-off, at 17 or 57).
Romance at LCHS by Peter Dahlstrom (appeared January 1, 2010, in the Reflections magazine)
Romance has always been a part of coeducational school life. When you put boys and girls together, there is going to be romance. Sometimes it can be a huge problem. Distraction. Impropriety. Jealousy. Tears. Threats. Fights. Absenteeism. Truancy. The list of symptoms can be long. In some schools, these problems rank in the top 5 of discipline incidents. This is not the case at LCS. Because of the good character of our students, and the good parenting that prevails, the example set by our faculty and staff, the spiritual training and encouragement the students receive every day, and the high standards that the school’s policies support, all of our discipline issues are atypical for American schools today. The environment is actually very retro, like say to 1930’s/40’s, as far as behavior, respect, and a fun, friendly atmosphere. And teenage romance is included. The total absence or rarity at LCS of school violence, vulgarity, drugs/alcohol, and ludeness/promiscuity are remarkable to all who know about 21st century American schools, unbelievable to some.
But romance is alive. Every culture approaches romance and its adolescents in its own way. Some have arranged marriages, with no dating or individual choice permitted. One Christian sect practices “bundling”, actually sewing a girl and a boy into separate sacks and putting them in bed together to get acquainted socially and romantically. (Experience has proven that this method is not 100% effective.) Other societies require chaperones to accompany all couples on dates. Many parents set their own family rules. Minimum ages. Curfews. Double-dating only. Approved activities and locations. Now parents can even activate a GPS locator function on the smart phones, know where the dating couple is all the time. (Or at least where the phone is!) All of these strategies have their merits and failings. But what is the best way to handle teenage romance between Christian boys and girls?
The best way is personal responsibility based on a willingness to live and act in submission to God’s will and the wishes of their parents. The world laughs at such a suggestion. But I see it taking place here every day, every year. I would say that as junior highs and high schools go, we have fewer ongoing romances than most. I think that because of the small class size, constant companionships in activities, and the daily spiritual emphasis, with the same teachers year after year, a family atmosphere develops. Nobody wants to date their sister or brother! And many of them are such good friends, that they don’t consider dating one another or becoming romantically involved. Very often these special friendships form when a new, “eligible” student enrolls. But they are all fun to watch, especially when they handle them so well. And most of them do, which always reinforces my conviction that it can be done well, with modesty and respect and wholesomeness. It is a sad commentary that most people believe that it can’t be done. It is really a denial that this great gift from God, this normal, mysterious, exciting romantic love, can’t be received and enjoyed by young people, (and old people), within His will.
I have a form letter that I privately hand deliver to couples that sometimes need a gentle reminder about our PDA policy, Public Display of Affection. Here is an excerpt.
“It is important to me that people think the right things about both of you and about the school. It is a sad thing today that in our society people assume the worst about a couple when they see that they have a romantic and physical attraction. I do not think that about you two. We have a policy that says couples are not to show affection openly in any physical way. It is a good policy for many reasons. It is not to imply anything bad about anyone’s motives or character. I have not seen you do anything that I would consider improper or sinful but your feelings for each other are too obvious with the constant and regular hand holding and hugging, the occasional snuggle or perhaps even the stolen kiss on the cheek. I don’t think these are silly or juvenile. They are natural and special in their proper time and place. But please don’t do these things on campus, either in the halls or in class or chapel. Some people are immediately offended by these things, younger children cannot understand them and may be confused or misled by them, and school is just not a good place for them.”
I do not average using this letter once a year. It has always been well received. I have never had to go to the next step of contacting parents. This is responsibility at its best. Is it a struggle for Christian young people to handle this wonderful gift, the “love of touch”? Of course! Wasn’t it for you and me? But our message in Bible classes and chapels at LCS is that it is not impossible, that Satan and much of contemporary culture are constantly lying to them when they say, “Love is lust. Genuine affection and romantic love must to lead to lust and promiscuity.” I am not so naïve as to think that our kids never fail in this struggle. I know that they have at times through the years, and it is always sad. But is it not unforgivable and not insurmountable. And it is not the norm. A sweet, self-disciplined, high school romance, in a wholesome environment, can be a beautiful memory and great preparation for serious relationships in later years. LCHS has had numerous, happy, successful Christian marriages grow out of these school romances. And that’s not such a bad thing, is it? I personally know that this was one clear intention of the founders of many Christian colleges and universities, to create an environment in which Christian young men and women could find each other, fall in love, and marry for life. I cannot criticize that motive.
Now don’t worry. We do not promote romance at LCHS. But we don’t police it or harass it. We start from a position of trust, expecting the best and not the worst. We have curriculum that promotes chastity, celibacy till marriage, and gives specific advice and strategies to young people about how to successfully be “in love” and still honor God and Christ. Most of all we encourage them this has been done, that it is done, all the time, with God’s help, and that they can do it. The rewards for obeying God in this great gift will be enormous, to themselves, the church, the country, and the world.
Thanks Mr. Dahlstrom for having the courage to educate about one of life's important matters.
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