Playing Games

Getting the opportunity to look at the games we play as people this summer. It is sooo much fun - NOT. And, I must confess it has unearthed instances where I have not been thinking deeply about games I might have been playing (I believe it's called either "controlling" or attempting to "manipulate" but, "Shhhh," it will be our secret).

Recently, I was asked if my kids could be present at a party for an individual who candidly does not have an appropriate place in their life at present (isn't that diplomatic). The request was ended with, "I respect if you'd rather they not be there as it is your time with them." (Now isn't that respectful?)

Guess what? Party had already been hyped to them, including the fact that inappropriate party shared a "birthday" with our daughter. Of course the hype ended with, "Well we will need to ask your dad if he cares if you come."

That isn't respect. That's a game. What response can I give to the request that will be viewed as anything other than being an old fart? The party for whom the event is being hosted violates a boundary objective third parties agree is not only reasonable for the kids but healthy. Yet, how can I explain that to a 12, 9 and 7 year old who have been told otherwise by parties who are NOT objective but are loved by the children? So if I say, "Yes," I am making an unhealthy decision for my children. On the other hand, now that the party has been hyped and only my "approval" is standing in between the kids and the party, if I say, "No," it positions me as an old fart who is keeping them from fun. Either way I lose. I am certain it's coincidence . . . LOL.

For the record, I will likely say, 'No." God entrusted me with the job of parenting. It ain't all fun if it's done right - that's what those of you who have already raised great kids told me. Sometimes the right decision means the hard call.

Made me think though. I wonder how many times I have given loved ones, friends, co-workers, or others "choices" that really weren't choices at all rather my twisted way of getting what I wanted - hoping I could fool them with words such as, "I respect your opinion, feelings, wishes, etc., on the matter," when really I didn't? Sadly, in short order I was able to come up with several.

We silly humans. Why do we play games with each other? Real respect means making all the choices available as options not just those I desire for selection. Respect means thinking of your needs before my own (I must confess, I have not been good at that - in fact - sucked at it).

Join in pledging to work hard to leave the games to Milton Bradley and deal honestly and respectfully with others.