Are you one of the blessed ones? I mean really blessed ones. No, not won the lottery blessed, or some "word of faith" prosperity nonsense off religious cable TV (how many physical transformations do some of those folks intend). I mean potentially life-changing blessed in that your life includes at least one, if not several friends, who love you enough to tell you the truth - the unvarnished, "You are so full of crap" (or yourself, which is essentially the same), when you are spouting off about how unfairly life is treating you (me), or behaving selfishly?
I hope so. I have discovered this interesting summer, I might be the most blessed person on the globe.
While transitioning through some personal and professional changes, some of my doing, others not, I have been reminded how special some of my longest-term friends are (Mack, Eldridge, Love, Petty, Lucas, Bryant and others), as well as, how special either friends from long past will return and speak grace and truth and how God provides new friends who He has moved into my life to speak both truth and mercy (Reeves, Duncan, Symington, Cuellar and others). These individuals listen to about three sentences of my yammering and then say things like, "You finished, that was rhetorical right? You aren't serious about that foolishness are you?" or, "Did you listen to any of what you just said AND its center. It was all about YOU. You do not you are not alone on the planet right?" Or, "Bart what do you mean pray for a miracle boy? We been praying for you for decades - the miracle is that you finally seem to be open to ideas God has had in mind for, oh, YOUR WHOLE LIFE." Or, my personal favorite - "Bart, let it GO(insert the IT of my choosing, including people). Hand the keys to God and step away from the car of life."
Are all these responses fun? Smoking pot? Of course not. Do I fight back? That was a rhetorical question right? Almost every time, until very recently. (My buddy Kelly asked me recently, "Dude, how many times you gonna hit that bald head of yours with that 2x4?").
I have also had an opportunity to watch another surrounded by those who provide affirmation for a self and other destructive choice. Wow, it's been ugly. Know what's been ugliest about it? It is so clearly me for most of my adult life. And most sadly, it was entirely preventable (my actions I mean).
I had/have real friends who will tell me like it is - without regard for whether I like it or not. And, they have always been that way and available. That's why I started keeping secrets. I knew my friends. Had I shared what was in my weak, dark heart - they'd have told me the truth. Didn't want to hear it so I either kept it a secret (after all, what did they know), or found acquaintances who would confirm idolotry because it was easier for them, or confirmed their own insecurities or past poor choices. Now that's a happening crowd.
To every friend, loved one, or stranger who has every told me I was full of it . . . thank you for your love and grace. Collectively, you have saved my life. I was late in getting it. However, as the song says, because of you, "I will never be the same again."
God bless each of you and your hard, truthful words.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Pain 101
While working the employees who had occupational injuries years ago as an HR Manager, I realized something about pain, which the injured employees often confused. There are at least two types of pain, the pain of destruction and the pain or reconstruction or rehabilitation.
Typically an employee would be a no-show for a physical therapy session. His or her response when asked why the absence would virtually always be, "I went to the PT and it hurt, during and after PT, so I don't want to go back." When asked further, if any explanation of the pain had been provided, most would reluctantly concede they had be told in advance the exercises would hurt, during and, in most cases, following the session. However, the pain was necessary short-term to rebuild, or recondition an injured area so that the area would return to at or very near normal function. Almost always however the individuals would remark, "I don't trust that Physical Therapist, or the Company, you all are trying to hurt me more."
I would usually ask, "Employee Joe, what would we or the therapist gain by hurting you further?" Most had never really thought much about the question, choosing instead to believe some load of hooey foisted on them by a well-intended, though not terribly deep thinking spouse, relative, neighbor, etc.
As I walk through the process of a relationship apparently ending as a marriage (God, I am still open to the alternative by the way), I am reminded on days when the pain is intense that yes, part of this pain is the pain of destruction. Two very important relationships are being fundamentally destroyed (one between a man and woman as husband and wife, and the one between children and parents as a relationship which can absolutely be trusted - most divorced children research suggests, never grant that level of trust again - to anyone). Like Joe Thiesman's leg, years ago on Monday Night foot ball, the destruction is painful to watch and be part of for everyone involved, even indirectly. I am also reminded as I speak with dear friends whose love, encouragement, prayers and grace help me see through the fog that the pain is also the pain of rehabilitation.
Having made poor choices, I cannot control any longer (actually never did) the choices made by Kellie, or others who believe the only option is to end our life together. I can however control whether I choose to do the exercises God and others place in front of me to create, recreate and rehabilitate whatever these important relationships will look like in the years to come. And, like the employees who chose to flee the pain of PT, I can also choose to bolt, avoid the short-term pain, and greatly increase the chance I will walk some path that bears a striking resemblance to this one at some point in the future (oh what fun that would surely be).
What about you? Are you like me? Have you laughed at someone in the past who did not take time to understand the difference in the two kinds of pain, only to have to admit to yourself at some point in the past - you (I) were that person? I absolutely was, and as a result a talented woman and three innocent children have been deeply wounded.
I pray God will continue His relentless butt-kicking as He sends me back into the exercises each day on the way to a healed, reconditioned me. For those of you who He has used as assistant butt-kickers; Steve M., Phil P., Jeff L., Bryan D., James R., Scott B., Kelly S., Kellie C., Ken and Shirley, Steve E., and a host of others thank you for loving me enough to kick . . . I may not always appear to but I do understand the difference and am learning to accept (dare I say, embrace) the pain a bit more each day. Because of your love, God's love and His amazing mercy, healing will occur.
Got something that is hurting you? Which pain is it, and what do you need to do to react to it appropriately? Be careful you don't misdiagnose the pain!
Typically an employee would be a no-show for a physical therapy session. His or her response when asked why the absence would virtually always be, "I went to the PT and it hurt, during and after PT, so I don't want to go back." When asked further, if any explanation of the pain had been provided, most would reluctantly concede they had be told in advance the exercises would hurt, during and, in most cases, following the session. However, the pain was necessary short-term to rebuild, or recondition an injured area so that the area would return to at or very near normal function. Almost always however the individuals would remark, "I don't trust that Physical Therapist, or the Company, you all are trying to hurt me more."
I would usually ask, "Employee Joe, what would we or the therapist gain by hurting you further?" Most had never really thought much about the question, choosing instead to believe some load of hooey foisted on them by a well-intended, though not terribly deep thinking spouse, relative, neighbor, etc.
As I walk through the process of a relationship apparently ending as a marriage (God, I am still open to the alternative by the way), I am reminded on days when the pain is intense that yes, part of this pain is the pain of destruction. Two very important relationships are being fundamentally destroyed (one between a man and woman as husband and wife, and the one between children and parents as a relationship which can absolutely be trusted - most divorced children research suggests, never grant that level of trust again - to anyone). Like Joe Thiesman's leg, years ago on Monday Night foot ball, the destruction is painful to watch and be part of for everyone involved, even indirectly. I am also reminded as I speak with dear friends whose love, encouragement, prayers and grace help me see through the fog that the pain is also the pain of rehabilitation.
Having made poor choices, I cannot control any longer (actually never did) the choices made by Kellie, or others who believe the only option is to end our life together. I can however control whether I choose to do the exercises God and others place in front of me to create, recreate and rehabilitate whatever these important relationships will look like in the years to come. And, like the employees who chose to flee the pain of PT, I can also choose to bolt, avoid the short-term pain, and greatly increase the chance I will walk some path that bears a striking resemblance to this one at some point in the future (oh what fun that would surely be).
What about you? Are you like me? Have you laughed at someone in the past who did not take time to understand the difference in the two kinds of pain, only to have to admit to yourself at some point in the past - you (I) were that person? I absolutely was, and as a result a talented woman and three innocent children have been deeply wounded.
I pray God will continue His relentless butt-kicking as He sends me back into the exercises each day on the way to a healed, reconditioned me. For those of you who He has used as assistant butt-kickers; Steve M., Phil P., Jeff L., Bryan D., James R., Scott B., Kelly S., Kellie C., Ken and Shirley, Steve E., and a host of others thank you for loving me enough to kick . . . I may not always appear to but I do understand the difference and am learning to accept (dare I say, embrace) the pain a bit more each day. Because of your love, God's love and His amazing mercy, healing will occur.
Got something that is hurting you? Which pain is it, and what do you need to do to react to it appropriately? Be careful you don't misdiagnose the pain!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Appreciate the Manna - Before It's Gone
In the Old Testament, our spiritual ancestors the Israelites recently delivered from Egypt where they were treated in sub-human fashion, began to lament life on the road (out from under their tormentors). "We are going to die out here," they wailed like today's children, teenagers and most adults forced to play somewhere other than in front of a computer or TV in the A/C. "Besides, we are hungry. In Egypt they treated us like crap but at least we had 3 squares a day," they continued like a convict who has mistaken prison fare's stability for freedom.
So God fed them with manna. Each morning available for the gathering was the day's meal with only the condition that they not take more than a day's worth. Soon, right to the door delivery was not even enough and they were griping again.
This summer, God has made very clear to me just how much like my spiritual ancestors I really am. For years I enjoyed the company of a spouse who loved and was patient with me. Her companionship was that manna. Hmmm, think I appreciated it? Not only no, but heck no. Now she's gone. What I wouldn't give for just a few minutes walking hand in hand talking about ANYTHING, or nothing.
Manna looks very different today than it did prior to May 29, 2010. How much clearer my vision is in its absence!
Do you like manna? Are you thankful God has provided manna in your life? Are you really? Men, no, your spouse isn't perfect - but she puts up with your crap (and no one dishes out crap like men, especially many believing men, who are "leaders" of their household). When was the last time you said, "Dear (or your pet name for her), my world would be absolutely incomplete without you in it. I would NOT be the person I am without your love and companionship." Or, "Dear patient woman, do you know how poor a job I have done showing you at the heart-level what your love means to me and who God is making me?"
NO - comments did not come from Oprah. Came from the heart of one who ignored manna, griped about manna and wasted manna as he saw fit - until his arrogance resulted in its disappearance. Trust me today fellows when I tell you, the manna you enjoy, on it's (her) worst day is beyond your comprehension of its (her) disappearance. From one hungry fellow to the next (and I don't mean horny, I mean hungry for the companionship and company my sweet wife patiently provided) savor the taste of the manna God has provided you before it slips away.
So God fed them with manna. Each morning available for the gathering was the day's meal with only the condition that they not take more than a day's worth. Soon, right to the door delivery was not even enough and they were griping again.
This summer, God has made very clear to me just how much like my spiritual ancestors I really am. For years I enjoyed the company of a spouse who loved and was patient with me. Her companionship was that manna. Hmmm, think I appreciated it? Not only no, but heck no. Now she's gone. What I wouldn't give for just a few minutes walking hand in hand talking about ANYTHING, or nothing.
Manna looks very different today than it did prior to May 29, 2010. How much clearer my vision is in its absence!
Do you like manna? Are you thankful God has provided manna in your life? Are you really? Men, no, your spouse isn't perfect - but she puts up with your crap (and no one dishes out crap like men, especially many believing men, who are "leaders" of their household). When was the last time you said, "Dear (or your pet name for her), my world would be absolutely incomplete without you in it. I would NOT be the person I am without your love and companionship." Or, "Dear patient woman, do you know how poor a job I have done showing you at the heart-level what your love means to me and who God is making me?"
NO - comments did not come from Oprah. Came from the heart of one who ignored manna, griped about manna and wasted manna as he saw fit - until his arrogance resulted in its disappearance. Trust me today fellows when I tell you, the manna you enjoy, on it's (her) worst day is beyond your comprehension of its (her) disappearance. From one hungry fellow to the next (and I don't mean horny, I mean hungry for the companionship and company my sweet wife patiently provided) savor the taste of the manna God has provided you before it slips away.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Living Small versus Living Large
There is a fascinating story on Yahoo.com today regarding a man named Jay Schafer, who ten years ago built a "tiny" house, which he lives in. The house is 8 x 12 - the whole house! His comment,"Living small as revolutionized my life. I now have much more time and money for the things and people who really matter."
In the land of unquenchable consumption, what a brave fellow.
Imagine what our world would be like if each of us (and our children) were virtually free of the cares of the accumulation of crap (technical term). You know, those things I just had to have; one more book to add to the other 42 I haven't read, a new iPod to replace the 12 month old one I had (largely because it ate me up the neighbors looked cooler), those new shoes my kids had to have (again, because some other kid had the latest color), more clothes for me (because I could still wedge another item in my closet), a bigger house (because cleaning the one I had didn't eat up a big enough maid bill, or take enough time from my life if I did it myself), and on and on the list could go.
In listening to Schafer in the video piece, it is clear he had some glimpse of the paradox of the life Jesus was speaking of when he said, "Whoever saves his life must lose it . . .", and "Who by worrying about his life can add anything to it?"
It challenged me. Have I really considered seriously Jesus comment to his disciples about how little they needed to take with them, or that he needed? Truthfully, not only no, but heck no I haven't seriously considered it or let it sink it AND many parts of my life - as recently as MOMENTS ago provide evidence of my desire to hold on to things. But, at what cost, seems to be a reasonable question. For me, it is becoming clearer by the day the cost has been very high.
What about for you? What have you traded in the barter of life? If something happened tomorrow and you got asked to "live small", could you do so? What about your kids? If not, why not? As Arsenio Hall used to say, "Kinda makes me say hmmmmm."
To smaller living, which provides more room for people - the one thing that really matters to God. (Oh, spare me the comments about God not prohibiting wealth. I know that. The question is not does God prohibit wealth here. Rather, what amount of energy am I spending trying to live large, which won't count for squat once I am gone?).
In the land of unquenchable consumption, what a brave fellow.
Imagine what our world would be like if each of us (and our children) were virtually free of the cares of the accumulation of crap (technical term). You know, those things I just had to have; one more book to add to the other 42 I haven't read, a new iPod to replace the 12 month old one I had (largely because it ate me up the neighbors looked cooler), those new shoes my kids had to have (again, because some other kid had the latest color), more clothes for me (because I could still wedge another item in my closet), a bigger house (because cleaning the one I had didn't eat up a big enough maid bill, or take enough time from my life if I did it myself), and on and on the list could go.
In listening to Schafer in the video piece, it is clear he had some glimpse of the paradox of the life Jesus was speaking of when he said, "Whoever saves his life must lose it . . .", and "Who by worrying about his life can add anything to it?"
It challenged me. Have I really considered seriously Jesus comment to his disciples about how little they needed to take with them, or that he needed? Truthfully, not only no, but heck no I haven't seriously considered it or let it sink it AND many parts of my life - as recently as MOMENTS ago provide evidence of my desire to hold on to things. But, at what cost, seems to be a reasonable question. For me, it is becoming clearer by the day the cost has been very high.
What about for you? What have you traded in the barter of life? If something happened tomorrow and you got asked to "live small", could you do so? What about your kids? If not, why not? As Arsenio Hall used to say, "Kinda makes me say hmmmmm."
To smaller living, which provides more room for people - the one thing that really matters to God. (Oh, spare me the comments about God not prohibiting wealth. I know that. The question is not does God prohibit wealth here. Rather, what amount of energy am I spending trying to live large, which won't count for squat once I am gone?).
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Vulnerability
As I face the loss of my best friend to divorce, the consequence of my misdirected attempts to hide my vulnerability, I am struck by truth of Jesus statement that the tighter we hold life, the greater the likelihood we will lose it.
I badly wanted to be loved by my sweet spouse for just me - failings, weaknesses and all. I wanted it to be alright to show emotion, express doubt at times in my own abilities and questions about faith. However, to our last days in the same house, I believed the lies from Hell - "protecting myself" from the prospect of rejection - pridefully believing I was disguising weakness for strength and insight. What a crock of crap!
On those few instances I was vulnerable, I was accepted on each occasion!!
Men, guess why God insisted we lead? Because we are dispositionally INCAPABLE of doing so effectively unless we give the responsibility back to Him realizing, "I cannot do this." He asked that we lead because doing so with any shot at success requires turning the job back over to HIM every morning.
BTW, ladies before you break something, guess why God ask that you serve in other roles? Because you ARE dispositionally suited to lead and if the task can be carried out without the absolute need for surrender, what results? Pride. Put down the glass vase. Move away from the ledge. Ponder the last two paragraphs before injuring yourself, anyone near you, or flaming me. Ponder (respond no sooner than 10 days). Back to the point at hand.
Who in your life are you hiding from tonight? Afraid he or she won't love the real you? Who has been vulnerable with you, yet you are withholding the same? Please, do yourself a favor before the chance is lost. Show them your heart. Tell someone you love, you feel honored to have a place you can go that is safe, failings and all. You will be blessed beyond words. Withhold it - trust me - you will feel both rejection and laughter as Hell mocks you for having traded pride as a counterfeit substitute for vulnerability.
He who would save his life must lose it . . .
I badly wanted to be loved by my sweet spouse for just me - failings, weaknesses and all. I wanted it to be alright to show emotion, express doubt at times in my own abilities and questions about faith. However, to our last days in the same house, I believed the lies from Hell - "protecting myself" from the prospect of rejection - pridefully believing I was disguising weakness for strength and insight. What a crock of crap!
On those few instances I was vulnerable, I was accepted on each occasion!!
Men, guess why God insisted we lead? Because we are dispositionally INCAPABLE of doing so effectively unless we give the responsibility back to Him realizing, "I cannot do this." He asked that we lead because doing so with any shot at success requires turning the job back over to HIM every morning.
BTW, ladies before you break something, guess why God ask that you serve in other roles? Because you ARE dispositionally suited to lead and if the task can be carried out without the absolute need for surrender, what results? Pride. Put down the glass vase. Move away from the ledge. Ponder the last two paragraphs before injuring yourself, anyone near you, or flaming me. Ponder (respond no sooner than 10 days). Back to the point at hand.
Who in your life are you hiding from tonight? Afraid he or she won't love the real you? Who has been vulnerable with you, yet you are withholding the same? Please, do yourself a favor before the chance is lost. Show them your heart. Tell someone you love, you feel honored to have a place you can go that is safe, failings and all. You will be blessed beyond words. Withhold it - trust me - you will feel both rejection and laughter as Hell mocks you for having traded pride as a counterfeit substitute for vulnerability.
He who would save his life must lose it . . .
Monday, July 12, 2010
Love in a Starbucks Bag
My daughter Ashton is as great a kid as there is. She is courageous. She feels deeply the pain of others. She takes serious things seriously. She loves children. She loves her Mom and her Dad. We are lucky to have her.
She went to ACU volleyball camp and in her excitement, and the midst of a painful summer, forgot some important items.
She texted and asked if I could bail her out. I was unable to turn on a dime this morning and get to Abilene. Love showed up in the form of an aunt (Kendra Kunkle) who loves Ashton dearly, a dear friend from years back who'd never even met Ashton and a woman, I am not sure I have ever met.
First, I sent an e-mail to Julie Danley, a woman whose authenticity and generosity toward people is best known by those in Abilene who share her smile each day. But, who is known by some many who have enjoyed her surrendered serving heart for decades as acquaintances, friends and family members. I simply asked, "Is there any way you can help?" She sent a note, no questions asked, "Consider it done." Wow.
Much later in the day, my sister Kendra called to say just when it appeared resources she believed she had which would solve the problem had been exhausted, someone who knew someone, had agreed to provide the item and homemade chocolate chip cookies for Ashton. That was done as well. When I spoke to the person, she would have nothing of payment, or praise. She replied, "Oh, I know if my daughter were in need someone would help her."
What these women did is beyond words for so many reasons. Chocolate chip cookies, and the needed items, in a Starbucks bag from a friend of a friend of an aunt, that's love without conditions. As Ashton fights through a summer where those she loves most are letting her down, these women provided a small glimpse into the reality that Jesus loves us, even when so much feels lost.
Thank you Kendra, Julie and Rebecca. You have no idea . . . .
She went to ACU volleyball camp and in her excitement, and the midst of a painful summer, forgot some important items.
She texted and asked if I could bail her out. I was unable to turn on a dime this morning and get to Abilene. Love showed up in the form of an aunt (Kendra Kunkle) who loves Ashton dearly, a dear friend from years back who'd never even met Ashton and a woman, I am not sure I have ever met.
First, I sent an e-mail to Julie Danley, a woman whose authenticity and generosity toward people is best known by those in Abilene who share her smile each day. But, who is known by some many who have enjoyed her surrendered serving heart for decades as acquaintances, friends and family members. I simply asked, "Is there any way you can help?" She sent a note, no questions asked, "Consider it done." Wow.
Much later in the day, my sister Kendra called to say just when it appeared resources she believed she had which would solve the problem had been exhausted, someone who knew someone, had agreed to provide the item and homemade chocolate chip cookies for Ashton. That was done as well. When I spoke to the person, she would have nothing of payment, or praise. She replied, "Oh, I know if my daughter were in need someone would help her."
What these women did is beyond words for so many reasons. Chocolate chip cookies, and the needed items, in a Starbucks bag from a friend of a friend of an aunt, that's love without conditions. As Ashton fights through a summer where those she loves most are letting her down, these women provided a small glimpse into the reality that Jesus loves us, even when so much feels lost.
Thank you Kendra, Julie and Rebecca. You have no idea . . . .
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