I grew up with a hymn titled, "Count Your Many Blessings." I remember loving the sound of the melody as my mother's soprano voice sang the words. With some sadness I must admit I took lightly the lyrics of the powerful hymn.
How quickly would you be able to list 100 blessings God has provided to you?
If your perspective was like mine, until I lost some very important things (and it does not appear the losses are finished), you might respond with something such as, "Life has been hard, I don't think I have 100," "Well the breaks haven't gone my way, so not sure I could get to 100," or "Others have been blessed far more." Each well-intended but sharing the same attributes lame, weak and self-absorbed.
Consider this as you begin the journey to 100. Start simple. Did you eat one or more meals today? Not, did you eat what you wanted, or as much as you wanted, did you eat period? If so, you have your first of the 100. Really? A meal is a blessing? Come on Bart, that's not a blessing it happens every day. Not for everyone. According the stopthehunger.com 25,981 people died of hunger TODAY around the world, many of the children.
Curious, you dress the morning? Same clothes as yesterday or did you choose something different? Really? do you know how many people wore the same thing they have been wearing for many days, if they have good clothes at all?
What's the point Bart. Okay, so there are poor people. Well, if you are not one of them, are you thankful - daily. I wasn't. I believed things like meals, clothes, books, computers, friends, family, laughter, health, my sweet spouse's smile, my kids' hugs and God's love were things I deserved - tonight some of them are absent and I know different.
Know what? I bet you and I have 1000 tangible blessings. I challenge you, and me, to begin actually counting them. We do such things at work. We count things because we believe they are valuable enough to count. Yet, and for reasons that are both common and weak, we do not count those things that are most important. And, guess what happened to me? Before long, I lost track of how important they were AND begin treating them that way. Before you lose something of great value to you - start counting - and never stop.
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Friends and My Best Interest
During this period of transition, wherever it winds up, God has made clear to me both a blessing and a truth.
He has made unmistakably clear the truth that real friends are those willing to speak truth to me. Hopefully in love but even bluntly and not so lovingly presented, the truth is the truth. And, individuals who really love me, love me enough to tell me what I need to hear, whether I like it or choose to hear it. Further, they are well adjusted and don't need my approval of that truth, my affirmation of them, or my acceptance of them to be okay with sharing it with me. And what is one of the principle messages they have delivered over this most interesting summer and now fall? "Bart, brother, your feelings should be viewed either very cautiously, or discounted entirely. Adults have feelings, yet make few decisions, and virtually NO important ones (especially if they involve others) based on feelings." As one commented recently, "Nothing will lead a person asserting to follow Christ out of God's will for him/her quicker than his/her feelings."
So thank you to my friends, old and new, who continue to love me enough to speak truth to me (regardless of my feelings about that truth), and to the God who has pursued me relentlessly for over 30 years and whom I am now hearing through those friends. Though upcoming chapters of life my not turn out as I had hoped, the truth will serve me well both now and in the future, regardless of circumstance.
The blessing God has opened my eyes to is how blessed I am to have friends who speak truth. Sadly, I watch as one dearest to me remains exclusively in the counsel of individuals who, perhaps because of their own failings (who knows) simply blow smoke at her, affirming what she wants to hear. It is painful to observe.
In times past, I have isolated myself from dear friends. Why? Quite simply because I knew individuals like Steve Mack, Phil Petty, Jeff Lucas, Ken Castle, Brent Matthews, Mark Love, Bill Minick, Bryan Duncan, James Reeves and countless others would not put up with my foolish notions or whining about my feelings. Each would, and in most cases has, shared from their heart what they knew would best serve me - even when it was hard for them to impart.
As a new day unfolds in life, I am a blessed man. Thank more of you than I can count for your genuine love for me, even when that love was inconvenient for you. Thank you for hard words, delivered at the appropriate time and in ways that even my hard head could hear.
Friends don't let friends live life absorbed in their feelings!
He has made unmistakably clear the truth that real friends are those willing to speak truth to me. Hopefully in love but even bluntly and not so lovingly presented, the truth is the truth. And, individuals who really love me, love me enough to tell me what I need to hear, whether I like it or choose to hear it. Further, they are well adjusted and don't need my approval of that truth, my affirmation of them, or my acceptance of them to be okay with sharing it with me. And what is one of the principle messages they have delivered over this most interesting summer and now fall? "Bart, brother, your feelings should be viewed either very cautiously, or discounted entirely. Adults have feelings, yet make few decisions, and virtually NO important ones (especially if they involve others) based on feelings." As one commented recently, "Nothing will lead a person asserting to follow Christ out of God's will for him/her quicker than his/her feelings."
So thank you to my friends, old and new, who continue to love me enough to speak truth to me (regardless of my feelings about that truth), and to the God who has pursued me relentlessly for over 30 years and whom I am now hearing through those friends. Though upcoming chapters of life my not turn out as I had hoped, the truth will serve me well both now and in the future, regardless of circumstance.
The blessing God has opened my eyes to is how blessed I am to have friends who speak truth. Sadly, I watch as one dearest to me remains exclusively in the counsel of individuals who, perhaps because of their own failings (who knows) simply blow smoke at her, affirming what she wants to hear. It is painful to observe.
In times past, I have isolated myself from dear friends. Why? Quite simply because I knew individuals like Steve Mack, Phil Petty, Jeff Lucas, Ken Castle, Brent Matthews, Mark Love, Bill Minick, Bryan Duncan, James Reeves and countless others would not put up with my foolish notions or whining about my feelings. Each would, and in most cases has, shared from their heart what they knew would best serve me - even when it was hard for them to impart.
As a new day unfolds in life, I am a blessed man. Thank more of you than I can count for your genuine love for me, even when that love was inconvenient for you. Thank you for hard words, delivered at the appropriate time and in ways that even my hard head could hear.
Friends don't let friends live life absorbed in their feelings!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Our Temporary Home
The lyrics to songs often speak to me in ways few other things can. I know. Such a manly admission. Hey - I didn't name an artist. So those of you who thought it was someone sappy . . . well you might have been right depending upon the song. I do like Josh Groban. He will make the bulky among you gag probably. Deal with it.
Seriously, there have been many occasions in life when songs seemed to reach me in ways few other things have been able to.
Last night, saddened by returning my children to their other half-home (mom's house), not because I do not want them to enjoy her love, rather because I am saddened they now must enjoy physically her's or mine, not both, I heard a song which brought tears to my heart. I cried both because I was sad at the new reality of my life absent my family and because the lyrics of the song were hopeful at the same time.
Sad and hopeful in the same song? Yes. The reality of life in a fallen world for anyone who is a believer.
The tune is one recorded by the country star, Carrie Underwood, "Temporary Home." It's words describe three hard scenarios; a child moving from foster home to foster home, a single mother in a shelter and a man, surrounded by loved ones, who knows he is experiencing his last breaths on this side of eternity. Each scenario spoke to me. I was fortunate to have a father and mother, so loving, that I experienced the joy of foster brothers and sisters on almost a dozen occasions as a child. Our home was a haven for little boys and girls who had been spit out by the storms of this life. And, our home was in each case, their "temporary home." My children now live in a home with a single mom. Regardless of how she got there recent events suggest she's finding it less the fairy tale than she imagined. And, the challenges it presents on the way to some new man, will roll down to Ashton, Alexys and Andrew. I ask God's prayer that they understand, this life, with this bitter pill is only, their "temporary home." Finally, in those moments when I allow anxiety over the uncertainties of this new life to overwhelm me with a range of emotions (up until recently almost all negative), I hope the Holy Spirit will remind me that one day I may be that old man. Surrounded by those who love me, I will look into the imperfect eyes of each for the last time and be struck by how quickly our lives here together have passed, how insignificant many of the things I worried about were and how wonderful it will be to see each of those sets of eyes perfected one day in heaven. After all, our time together up to that moment will all have been spent here and this is only our "temporary home."
Do you realize that fact? Would a stranger describe the actions of your life today and say, "It's clear from his or her actions and reactions that he or she recognizes clearly this is a "temporary home?'" Really? When your child of any age chooses something today you'd rather he or she didn't, will your response to the action demonstrate that the moment is a stop, "On the way to where we are goin'?" If you are blessed to be married or in a significant relationship and a disagreement occurs, would a stranger observing your response sense that your love for the other person was based upon the reality that this is your "temporary home" together and the goal is a more permanent one? If the answer to either is, or ever has been "No," as mine so often was - it's not to late to change those observations.
Whether you life country music or Carrie Underwood, allow these words to wash over you. Allow them to change the way you see the rest of today and tomorrow if God provides one. It will be over quickly, though sometimes it feels otherwise. No matter the hardship remember, believers in the one who has built a home for you that will last after the light of the stars has been extinguished, "Windows and rooms, we're just passing through, this is our temporary home . . .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=if7CZF_ycWQ
Thanks to the songwriter, Ms. Underwood and the creator of this YouTube video for being used to touch me.
Seriously, there have been many occasions in life when songs seemed to reach me in ways few other things have been able to.
Last night, saddened by returning my children to their other half-home (mom's house), not because I do not want them to enjoy her love, rather because I am saddened they now must enjoy physically her's or mine, not both, I heard a song which brought tears to my heart. I cried both because I was sad at the new reality of my life absent my family and because the lyrics of the song were hopeful at the same time.
Sad and hopeful in the same song? Yes. The reality of life in a fallen world for anyone who is a believer.
The tune is one recorded by the country star, Carrie Underwood, "Temporary Home." It's words describe three hard scenarios; a child moving from foster home to foster home, a single mother in a shelter and a man, surrounded by loved ones, who knows he is experiencing his last breaths on this side of eternity. Each scenario spoke to me. I was fortunate to have a father and mother, so loving, that I experienced the joy of foster brothers and sisters on almost a dozen occasions as a child. Our home was a haven for little boys and girls who had been spit out by the storms of this life. And, our home was in each case, their "temporary home." My children now live in a home with a single mom. Regardless of how she got there recent events suggest she's finding it less the fairy tale than she imagined. And, the challenges it presents on the way to some new man, will roll down to Ashton, Alexys and Andrew. I ask God's prayer that they understand, this life, with this bitter pill is only, their "temporary home." Finally, in those moments when I allow anxiety over the uncertainties of this new life to overwhelm me with a range of emotions (up until recently almost all negative), I hope the Holy Spirit will remind me that one day I may be that old man. Surrounded by those who love me, I will look into the imperfect eyes of each for the last time and be struck by how quickly our lives here together have passed, how insignificant many of the things I worried about were and how wonderful it will be to see each of those sets of eyes perfected one day in heaven. After all, our time together up to that moment will all have been spent here and this is only our "temporary home."
Do you realize that fact? Would a stranger describe the actions of your life today and say, "It's clear from his or her actions and reactions that he or she recognizes clearly this is a "temporary home?'" Really? When your child of any age chooses something today you'd rather he or she didn't, will your response to the action demonstrate that the moment is a stop, "On the way to where we are goin'?" If you are blessed to be married or in a significant relationship and a disagreement occurs, would a stranger observing your response sense that your love for the other person was based upon the reality that this is your "temporary home" together and the goal is a more permanent one? If the answer to either is, or ever has been "No," as mine so often was - it's not to late to change those observations.
Whether you life country music or Carrie Underwood, allow these words to wash over you. Allow them to change the way you see the rest of today and tomorrow if God provides one. It will be over quickly, though sometimes it feels otherwise. No matter the hardship remember, believers in the one who has built a home for you that will last after the light of the stars has been extinguished, "Windows and rooms, we're just passing through, this is our temporary home . . .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=if7CZF_ycWQ
Thanks to the songwriter, Ms. Underwood and the creator of this YouTube video for being used to touch me.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Goodbye Little Ones, Know You Are Loved
This weekend was a bittersweet one for families around the country. Many colleges and universities begin classes on Monday and so after almost 20 years of well-intended, if not always perfectly executed attempts to parent, Dad and Mom loaded Junior (or his sister Juniorette) up and headed for college.
I remember last year my very large, formerly college football playing brother-in-law telling me about crying hard when he and my sister dropped off a second daughter to begin college, just as he had done with their eldest daughter. I was stunned. Other than a wry smile, didn't really know he had emotions (just joking big guy - please take your hands off my neck).
In all seriousness, regardless the pain required to get a child to the start of college, many friends have shared with great emotion the mix of happiness and sadness that goes with having a child reach early independence. "How did the years get by so quickly? Literally, I can remember Kindergarten Open House," one dear friend commented with much emotion several years ago as his eldest child left for college. "Bart, savor those years the kids are with you. Your lilfe and theirs will never be the same once you drive away from that curb leaving them at college."
Well, though not as I ever imagined, that day arrived for me today. As the end of this nightmare of a summer, and the end of my marriage apparently draw to a close and school begins tomorrow, my life and that of Ashton, Alexys and Andrew will likely never be the same again.
Ashton heads off to junior high, with all the anxiety we all felt in that situation. Alexys heads to fourth grade, concerned she might not remember all the Spanish she knew at the end of third grade. Andrew approaches second grade worried that he and his little buddy might talk too much and get in trouble. Underneath the typical childhood concerns, the sadness they felt at what they know will be the crap that goes with parents who are no longer together could be felt as we visited this afternoon before I drooped them off. There was really nothing I could say. The die has been cast and it takes two individuals to continue a marriage.
What do parents say at the curb of the dorm? "Do your best. We love you. We know you will do well." At least those parents can cry together as they pull away AND their child knows if he or she needs help, home is a single phone call - not two.
Three amazing kids and a new school year. As my estranged spouse starts to drink the cool-aid from who knows whom about attempting to reduce my role in the kids life - because she is still mad - I enjoyed a last few moments with the kids this afternoon and truly have NO idea what their lives, or mine, or hers will look like beginning tomorrow. I control a very, very small portion of that equation. Thankfully, God remains God and I am not (yes, there was a time when I seemed to have been confused).
This I know. NO kid should have a first day of school, or a drop off at the dorm occur with a single parent. Are you a man or woman whose marriage is in distress and you have kids? WAKE UP DAMN IT! Do whatever you need to do, while time permits, to get the healing God alone can provide to make certain when you say, "Goodbye Little Ones, Know WE Love You, have a good first day of whatever," he, she, or they get to hear it from you both. Don't be so selfish as to have one of you "winning" as you stand there proudly by yourself. There are no winners in such a drop-off only magnitudes of losers (whether both adults will admit it or not).
Ashton, Alexys and Andrew, you each deserved better. I was wrong to have been selfish and contributed greatly to this mess. Goodbye little ones, know I love you more than I imagined. Oh, how foolish I was not to see the forest for the trees.
God, I release them to you. Please give me wisdom to navigate this new path with grace, humility, love and respect for Kellie and gratitude for each moment, homework problem, school program and good night prayer I get to spend with these precious ones of yours prior to the actual day they leave our messed up care for college. Father, tonight I also pray for other adults in this situation. I also pray that adults not yet in this situation in distress will be reached before they make the same foolish, selfish mistake. Finally, for those men who you have blessed with the honor of being called "Dad" who are being a complete spiritual dumbass like I was, send whatever or whoever you need into their lives to prompt them to recognize the honor you have given them to have exclusive access to the heart of their child along with their spouse and you. WAKE THEM UP!!. Be with Ashton, Alexys and Andrew as their lives continue. In your name, where wisdom is found, Amen.
You need help in your marriage? Please don't push it to this point. Consider the following, so the conversation where you send your children off into the unknown happens when and how God intended it - NOT sooner or differently.
1. DFW area, ABCS of Life Change for Couples at Celebration Fellowship in Fort Worth
http://www.celebrationnet.com/support.html
2. The Marriage Reconciliation Ministry of the Richland Hills Church
http://www.rhchurch.org/pages/marriage-reconciliation-ministry/
or
3. The Workshops available through the National Institute for Marriage.
http://nationalmarriage.com/index.php
I remember last year my very large, formerly college football playing brother-in-law telling me about crying hard when he and my sister dropped off a second daughter to begin college, just as he had done with their eldest daughter. I was stunned. Other than a wry smile, didn't really know he had emotions (just joking big guy - please take your hands off my neck).
In all seriousness, regardless the pain required to get a child to the start of college, many friends have shared with great emotion the mix of happiness and sadness that goes with having a child reach early independence. "How did the years get by so quickly? Literally, I can remember Kindergarten Open House," one dear friend commented with much emotion several years ago as his eldest child left for college. "Bart, savor those years the kids are with you. Your lilfe and theirs will never be the same once you drive away from that curb leaving them at college."
Well, though not as I ever imagined, that day arrived for me today. As the end of this nightmare of a summer, and the end of my marriage apparently draw to a close and school begins tomorrow, my life and that of Ashton, Alexys and Andrew will likely never be the same again.
Ashton heads off to junior high, with all the anxiety we all felt in that situation. Alexys heads to fourth grade, concerned she might not remember all the Spanish she knew at the end of third grade. Andrew approaches second grade worried that he and his little buddy might talk too much and get in trouble. Underneath the typical childhood concerns, the sadness they felt at what they know will be the crap that goes with parents who are no longer together could be felt as we visited this afternoon before I drooped them off. There was really nothing I could say. The die has been cast and it takes two individuals to continue a marriage.
What do parents say at the curb of the dorm? "Do your best. We love you. We know you will do well." At least those parents can cry together as they pull away AND their child knows if he or she needs help, home is a single phone call - not two.
Three amazing kids and a new school year. As my estranged spouse starts to drink the cool-aid from who knows whom about attempting to reduce my role in the kids life - because she is still mad - I enjoyed a last few moments with the kids this afternoon and truly have NO idea what their lives, or mine, or hers will look like beginning tomorrow. I control a very, very small portion of that equation. Thankfully, God remains God and I am not (yes, there was a time when I seemed to have been confused).
This I know. NO kid should have a first day of school, or a drop off at the dorm occur with a single parent. Are you a man or woman whose marriage is in distress and you have kids? WAKE UP DAMN IT! Do whatever you need to do, while time permits, to get the healing God alone can provide to make certain when you say, "Goodbye Little Ones, Know WE Love You, have a good first day of whatever," he, she, or they get to hear it from you both. Don't be so selfish as to have one of you "winning" as you stand there proudly by yourself. There are no winners in such a drop-off only magnitudes of losers (whether both adults will admit it or not).
Ashton, Alexys and Andrew, you each deserved better. I was wrong to have been selfish and contributed greatly to this mess. Goodbye little ones, know I love you more than I imagined. Oh, how foolish I was not to see the forest for the trees.
God, I release them to you. Please give me wisdom to navigate this new path with grace, humility, love and respect for Kellie and gratitude for each moment, homework problem, school program and good night prayer I get to spend with these precious ones of yours prior to the actual day they leave our messed up care for college. Father, tonight I also pray for other adults in this situation. I also pray that adults not yet in this situation in distress will be reached before they make the same foolish, selfish mistake. Finally, for those men who you have blessed with the honor of being called "Dad" who are being a complete spiritual dumbass like I was, send whatever or whoever you need into their lives to prompt them to recognize the honor you have given them to have exclusive access to the heart of their child along with their spouse and you. WAKE THEM UP!!. Be with Ashton, Alexys and Andrew as their lives continue. In your name, where wisdom is found, Amen.
You need help in your marriage? Please don't push it to this point. Consider the following, so the conversation where you send your children off into the unknown happens when and how God intended it - NOT sooner or differently.
1. DFW area, ABCS of Life Change for Couples at Celebration Fellowship in Fort Worth
http://www.celebrationnet.com/support.html
2. The Marriage Reconciliation Ministry of the Richland Hills Church
http://www.rhchurch.org/pages/marriage-reconciliation-ministry/
or
3. The Workshops available through the National Institute for Marriage.
http://nationalmarriage.com/index.php
Monday, August 16, 2010
Letting Go
As this unfortunate summer began, little did I know how tightly I was actually grasping at things over which I had NO real control. As such, when friends starting talking about, "Letting go of things," such as any action taken by my estranged spouse, my children's behavior, my expectations regarding how my life was supposed to look at 50, and a host of other things far to lengthy for a blog post, I remember thinking, "That should be easy, I have very few things I think I control."
WRONG - control boy!
Additionally, when those same friends (old and new) spoke about the peace I would find once I did in fact let things go, again, my bald head was filled with erroneous notions. Chief among them, how important my input was to the effective outcome of many things, as if I was god (whew, I am not, I now know).
ABSOLUTELY WRONG - control boy!!
Over the past 9 or so weeks, it has become clear to me that
Stressed out? Relationships of any kind in distress? Feeling overwhelmed? Drop the rope. No, drop the notion you have the rope - you don't. Being in control is a very American notion - that is WRONG. Drop the rope and you will be amazed, literally amazed out what God might have in mind.
Here's to a life lived without the stress of the allusion of control . . . .
WRONG - control boy!
Additionally, when those same friends (old and new) spoke about the peace I would find once I did in fact let things go, again, my bald head was filled with erroneous notions. Chief among them, how important my input was to the effective outcome of many things, as if I was god (whew, I am not, I now know).
ABSOLUTELY WRONG - control boy!!
Over the past 9 or so weeks, it has become clear to me that
- I control myself, on a good day (and even then the "control" can be tenuous);
- I absolutely do NOT control anyone else (regardless of how close he/she/they might be to me);
- I DO NOT need to control others (that is a level of responsibility I do not need, nor want);
- That attempting to control others is the ultimate form of disrespect and it hampers the growth of others;
- The freedom which comes from the realization regarding how little control I have, once more fully understood, has begun to produce a peace I could not imagine (and am still surprised by - why the heck did I not get this 30 years ago - brick brain); and
- Outcomes are in the hands of GOD - and I AM NOT HIM!
Stressed out? Relationships of any kind in distress? Feeling overwhelmed? Drop the rope. No, drop the notion you have the rope - you don't. Being in control is a very American notion - that is WRONG. Drop the rope and you will be amazed, literally amazed out what God might have in mind.
Here's to a life lived without the stress of the allusion of control . . . .
Sunday, August 08, 2010
Anger
Ever been angry? Not annoyed, neck veins bulging, snot-slinging, profanity (or near profanity) producing angry?
Liar, that is if you said anything other than "Yes." Anger is part of being human. Feeling negative emotions doesn't mean you are anything other than the fallen human that you are. Denying that you have gotten this angry, well, that's a problem. Literally never haven gotten this angry mean you either live in seclusion and never get out of bed, or you are a psycho-path. In either case, get help.
Here is the trick with anger, at least in my experience, over this past few months when I have experienced the scenario above, oh . . . daily. My anger usually says something about ME - which I hate. Perhaps, the circumstances I am experiencing are the crop I planted coming in . . . Perhaps the response I got from another is a response to an ill-considered or thoughtless comment I made to him or her. Perhaps the anger is simply the result of having denied something another did, or something I did actually bothered me. Perhaps the anger I feel is the injustice being done to another.
Regardless, in most cases, there is some element of the anger that is self-directed. That alone is potentially positive. What can I learn by thinking through why a circumstance is as is it? What can I learn about allowing the crop I planted to be brought in with humility AND a plan not to bring that same crop in again (or a 3rd or a 4th time). What can I learn about interacting with others more effectively, in all circumstances? And the list could go on.
The Bible says, "Be angry and sin not." Seems from the comment, anger is not inherently evil or sinful. In fact, likely positive in the right situations or the grammar would not direct us to "Be angry." I like that first part, "Be angry." It's that second part, which calls my response into accountability I'm not so fond of some days. I'd rather just "Be angry" and deal with the "And sin not part" at some more convenient time, or with some individual who is more to my liking. Unfortunately, and trust me, I looked in half a dozen translations, I did not find an astrerick in any of them which give me license to simply go off and worry about whether sin will occur.
Crap!!!
But, I've perfected the ready, fire, aim method. This notion of being angry AND remaining conscious of my choices at the same time. Now that is annoying. Who is God anyway? Oh, that's right. He's God.
So, next time that collar begins to tighten as the spousal (or relationship) unit, child, co-worker, fellow believer, co-worker or some person in traffic makes you/me angry, what can I learn as I respond consciously and thoughtfully as opposed to simply going off . . . ?
Here's to appropriate anger!
Liar, that is if you said anything other than "Yes." Anger is part of being human. Feeling negative emotions doesn't mean you are anything other than the fallen human that you are. Denying that you have gotten this angry, well, that's a problem. Literally never haven gotten this angry mean you either live in seclusion and never get out of bed, or you are a psycho-path. In either case, get help.
Here is the trick with anger, at least in my experience, over this past few months when I have experienced the scenario above, oh . . . daily. My anger usually says something about ME - which I hate. Perhaps, the circumstances I am experiencing are the crop I planted coming in . . . Perhaps the response I got from another is a response to an ill-considered or thoughtless comment I made to him or her. Perhaps the anger is simply the result of having denied something another did, or something I did actually bothered me. Perhaps the anger I feel is the injustice being done to another.
Regardless, in most cases, there is some element of the anger that is self-directed. That alone is potentially positive. What can I learn by thinking through why a circumstance is as is it? What can I learn about allowing the crop I planted to be brought in with humility AND a plan not to bring that same crop in again (or a 3rd or a 4th time). What can I learn about interacting with others more effectively, in all circumstances? And the list could go on.
The Bible says, "Be angry and sin not." Seems from the comment, anger is not inherently evil or sinful. In fact, likely positive in the right situations or the grammar would not direct us to "Be angry." I like that first part, "Be angry." It's that second part, which calls my response into accountability I'm not so fond of some days. I'd rather just "Be angry" and deal with the "And sin not part" at some more convenient time, or with some individual who is more to my liking. Unfortunately, and trust me, I looked in half a dozen translations, I did not find an astrerick in any of them which give me license to simply go off and worry about whether sin will occur.
Crap!!!
But, I've perfected the ready, fire, aim method. This notion of being angry AND remaining conscious of my choices at the same time. Now that is annoying. Who is God anyway? Oh, that's right. He's God.
So, next time that collar begins to tighten as the spousal (or relationship) unit, child, co-worker, fellow believer, co-worker or some person in traffic makes you/me angry, what can I learn as I respond consciously and thoughtfully as opposed to simply going off . . . ?
Here's to appropriate anger!
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Playing Games
Getting the opportunity to look at the games we play as people this summer. It is sooo much fun - NOT. And, I must confess it has unearthed instances where I have not been thinking deeply about games I might have been playing (I believe it's called either "controlling" or attempting to "manipulate" but, "Shhhh," it will be our secret).
Recently, I was asked if my kids could be present at a party for an individual who candidly does not have an appropriate place in their life at present (isn't that diplomatic). The request was ended with, "I respect if you'd rather they not be there as it is your time with them." (Now isn't that respectful?)
Guess what? Party had already been hyped to them, including the fact that inappropriate party shared a "birthday" with our daughter. Of course the hype ended with, "Well we will need to ask your dad if he cares if you come."
That isn't respect. That's a game. What response can I give to the request that will be viewed as anything other than being an old fart? The party for whom the event is being hosted violates a boundary objective third parties agree is not only reasonable for the kids but healthy. Yet, how can I explain that to a 12, 9 and 7 year old who have been told otherwise by parties who are NOT objective but are loved by the children? So if I say, "Yes," I am making an unhealthy decision for my children. On the other hand, now that the party has been hyped and only my "approval" is standing in between the kids and the party, if I say, "No," it positions me as an old fart who is keeping them from fun. Either way I lose. I am certain it's coincidence . . . LOL.
For the record, I will likely say, 'No." God entrusted me with the job of parenting. It ain't all fun if it's done right - that's what those of you who have already raised great kids told me. Sometimes the right decision means the hard call.
Made me think though. I wonder how many times I have given loved ones, friends, co-workers, or others "choices" that really weren't choices at all rather my twisted way of getting what I wanted - hoping I could fool them with words such as, "I respect your opinion, feelings, wishes, etc., on the matter," when really I didn't? Sadly, in short order I was able to come up with several.
We silly humans. Why do we play games with each other? Real respect means making all the choices available as options not just those I desire for selection. Respect means thinking of your needs before my own (I must confess, I have not been good at that - in fact - sucked at it).
Join in pledging to work hard to leave the games to Milton Bradley and deal honestly and respectfully with others.
Recently, I was asked if my kids could be present at a party for an individual who candidly does not have an appropriate place in their life at present (isn't that diplomatic). The request was ended with, "I respect if you'd rather they not be there as it is your time with them." (Now isn't that respectful?)
Guess what? Party had already been hyped to them, including the fact that inappropriate party shared a "birthday" with our daughter. Of course the hype ended with, "Well we will need to ask your dad if he cares if you come."
That isn't respect. That's a game. What response can I give to the request that will be viewed as anything other than being an old fart? The party for whom the event is being hosted violates a boundary objective third parties agree is not only reasonable for the kids but healthy. Yet, how can I explain that to a 12, 9 and 7 year old who have been told otherwise by parties who are NOT objective but are loved by the children? So if I say, "Yes," I am making an unhealthy decision for my children. On the other hand, now that the party has been hyped and only my "approval" is standing in between the kids and the party, if I say, "No," it positions me as an old fart who is keeping them from fun. Either way I lose. I am certain it's coincidence . . . LOL.
For the record, I will likely say, 'No." God entrusted me with the job of parenting. It ain't all fun if it's done right - that's what those of you who have already raised great kids told me. Sometimes the right decision means the hard call.
Made me think though. I wonder how many times I have given loved ones, friends, co-workers, or others "choices" that really weren't choices at all rather my twisted way of getting what I wanted - hoping I could fool them with words such as, "I respect your opinion, feelings, wishes, etc., on the matter," when really I didn't? Sadly, in short order I was able to come up with several.
We silly humans. Why do we play games with each other? Real respect means making all the choices available as options not just those I desire for selection. Respect means thinking of your needs before my own (I must confess, I have not been good at that - in fact - sucked at it).
Join in pledging to work hard to leave the games to Milton Bradley and deal honestly and respectfully with others.
Monday, August 02, 2010
Emotional Age
I have had 50 birthdays. And, 50 feels much more youthful than I imaged. Okay, I will admit, being blessed with children who are 12, 9 and 7 helps. I get to coach little league, go to Daddy daughter dances (fortunately they dim the lights so my dancing is largely disguised), and have acquaintances who are in their late 20s and early 30s to keep me up to date on the latest scary social happenings for kids, my kids age.
Despite my calendar birthdays, I am realizing my emotional age lagged far behind my biological age. The diagnosis, though painful was relatively easy.
How so you ask? Well, I believe it is summed up succinctly by the line used often by the financial educator, Dave Ramsey, who makes the statement, "Adults devise a plan and execute it, children make decisions based on their emotions."
I am trying to help my children begin to learn the lesson from the comment above, even as I work toward it with more consistency myself. Even during a challenging season of life, I get to decide my emotions. Others can only make me feel the way I CHOOSE to allow them to make me feel. Unkind words, thoughtless guestures, games, the crazy driver in traffic, kids, spouses (or estranged spouses) can only push my buttons - if I make those buttons available. I can choose to be respectful, pleasant, content, forgiving - regardless of what is coming my way.
Easy to be loving when another is unloving? Heck no. Even an emotionally mature person is not a robot. However, an individual who is emotionally mature realizes that any short-term gain achieved by acting nasty in return is typically very short-term and often expensive in the long-term. Besides, grumpy and unloving, victimage and self-pity are easy to come by in today's world. Does the world really need another grumpy, woe is me, person. I think not.
So, ask yourself today, better yet, ask a trusted friend who won't blow you smoke, "Based on my typical conduct - especially under pressure or trial - does my emotional age match my biological age?" If they say yes, congratulations and keep up the good work. If, on the other hand they say no, you still win. You have information you can build on, and, you can join me in the work to get them closer together. Either answer you win!
Here's to the emotionally mature people I know, and I am fortunate to know several. Thank you for the powerful example. For those of you who have put up with the gap in me, thank you for your grace and mercy.
To life with the gap narrowed!
Despite my calendar birthdays, I am realizing my emotional age lagged far behind my biological age. The diagnosis, though painful was relatively easy.
How so you ask? Well, I believe it is summed up succinctly by the line used often by the financial educator, Dave Ramsey, who makes the statement, "Adults devise a plan and execute it, children make decisions based on their emotions."
I am trying to help my children begin to learn the lesson from the comment above, even as I work toward it with more consistency myself. Even during a challenging season of life, I get to decide my emotions. Others can only make me feel the way I CHOOSE to allow them to make me feel. Unkind words, thoughtless guestures, games, the crazy driver in traffic, kids, spouses (or estranged spouses) can only push my buttons - if I make those buttons available. I can choose to be respectful, pleasant, content, forgiving - regardless of what is coming my way.
Easy to be loving when another is unloving? Heck no. Even an emotionally mature person is not a robot. However, an individual who is emotionally mature realizes that any short-term gain achieved by acting nasty in return is typically very short-term and often expensive in the long-term. Besides, grumpy and unloving, victimage and self-pity are easy to come by in today's world. Does the world really need another grumpy, woe is me, person. I think not.
So, ask yourself today, better yet, ask a trusted friend who won't blow you smoke, "Based on my typical conduct - especially under pressure or trial - does my emotional age match my biological age?" If they say yes, congratulations and keep up the good work. If, on the other hand they say no, you still win. You have information you can build on, and, you can join me in the work to get them closer together. Either answer you win!
Here's to the emotionally mature people I know, and I am fortunate to know several. Thank you for the powerful example. For those of you who have put up with the gap in me, thank you for your grace and mercy.
To life with the gap narrowed!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
True Friends
Are you one of the blessed ones? I mean really blessed ones. No, not won the lottery blessed, or some "word of faith" prosperity nonsense off religious cable TV (how many physical transformations do some of those folks intend). I mean potentially life-changing blessed in that your life includes at least one, if not several friends, who love you enough to tell you the truth - the unvarnished, "You are so full of crap" (or yourself, which is essentially the same), when you are spouting off about how unfairly life is treating you (me), or behaving selfishly?
I hope so. I have discovered this interesting summer, I might be the most blessed person on the globe.
While transitioning through some personal and professional changes, some of my doing, others not, I have been reminded how special some of my longest-term friends are (Mack, Eldridge, Love, Petty, Lucas, Bryant and others), as well as, how special either friends from long past will return and speak grace and truth and how God provides new friends who He has moved into my life to speak both truth and mercy (Reeves, Duncan, Symington, Cuellar and others). These individuals listen to about three sentences of my yammering and then say things like, "You finished, that was rhetorical right? You aren't serious about that foolishness are you?" or, "Did you listen to any of what you just said AND its center. It was all about YOU. You do not you are not alone on the planet right?" Or, "Bart what do you mean pray for a miracle boy? We been praying for you for decades - the miracle is that you finally seem to be open to ideas God has had in mind for, oh, YOUR WHOLE LIFE." Or, my personal favorite - "Bart, let it GO(insert the IT of my choosing, including people). Hand the keys to God and step away from the car of life."
Are all these responses fun? Smoking pot? Of course not. Do I fight back? That was a rhetorical question right? Almost every time, until very recently. (My buddy Kelly asked me recently, "Dude, how many times you gonna hit that bald head of yours with that 2x4?").
I have also had an opportunity to watch another surrounded by those who provide affirmation for a self and other destructive choice. Wow, it's been ugly. Know what's been ugliest about it? It is so clearly me for most of my adult life. And most sadly, it was entirely preventable (my actions I mean).
I had/have real friends who will tell me like it is - without regard for whether I like it or not. And, they have always been that way and available. That's why I started keeping secrets. I knew my friends. Had I shared what was in my weak, dark heart - they'd have told me the truth. Didn't want to hear it so I either kept it a secret (after all, what did they know), or found acquaintances who would confirm idolotry because it was easier for them, or confirmed their own insecurities or past poor choices. Now that's a happening crowd.
To every friend, loved one, or stranger who has every told me I was full of it . . . thank you for your love and grace. Collectively, you have saved my life. I was late in getting it. However, as the song says, because of you, "I will never be the same again."
God bless each of you and your hard, truthful words.
I hope so. I have discovered this interesting summer, I might be the most blessed person on the globe.
While transitioning through some personal and professional changes, some of my doing, others not, I have been reminded how special some of my longest-term friends are (Mack, Eldridge, Love, Petty, Lucas, Bryant and others), as well as, how special either friends from long past will return and speak grace and truth and how God provides new friends who He has moved into my life to speak both truth and mercy (Reeves, Duncan, Symington, Cuellar and others). These individuals listen to about three sentences of my yammering and then say things like, "You finished, that was rhetorical right? You aren't serious about that foolishness are you?" or, "Did you listen to any of what you just said AND its center. It was all about YOU. You do not you are not alone on the planet right?" Or, "Bart what do you mean pray for a miracle boy? We been praying for you for decades - the miracle is that you finally seem to be open to ideas God has had in mind for, oh, YOUR WHOLE LIFE." Or, my personal favorite - "Bart, let it GO(insert the IT of my choosing, including people). Hand the keys to God and step away from the car of life."
Are all these responses fun? Smoking pot? Of course not. Do I fight back? That was a rhetorical question right? Almost every time, until very recently. (My buddy Kelly asked me recently, "Dude, how many times you gonna hit that bald head of yours with that 2x4?").
I have also had an opportunity to watch another surrounded by those who provide affirmation for a self and other destructive choice. Wow, it's been ugly. Know what's been ugliest about it? It is so clearly me for most of my adult life. And most sadly, it was entirely preventable (my actions I mean).
I had/have real friends who will tell me like it is - without regard for whether I like it or not. And, they have always been that way and available. That's why I started keeping secrets. I knew my friends. Had I shared what was in my weak, dark heart - they'd have told me the truth. Didn't want to hear it so I either kept it a secret (after all, what did they know), or found acquaintances who would confirm idolotry because it was easier for them, or confirmed their own insecurities or past poor choices. Now that's a happening crowd.
To every friend, loved one, or stranger who has every told me I was full of it . . . thank you for your love and grace. Collectively, you have saved my life. I was late in getting it. However, as the song says, because of you, "I will never be the same again."
God bless each of you and your hard, truthful words.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Pain 101
While working the employees who had occupational injuries years ago as an HR Manager, I realized something about pain, which the injured employees often confused. There are at least two types of pain, the pain of destruction and the pain or reconstruction or rehabilitation.
Typically an employee would be a no-show for a physical therapy session. His or her response when asked why the absence would virtually always be, "I went to the PT and it hurt, during and after PT, so I don't want to go back." When asked further, if any explanation of the pain had been provided, most would reluctantly concede they had be told in advance the exercises would hurt, during and, in most cases, following the session. However, the pain was necessary short-term to rebuild, or recondition an injured area so that the area would return to at or very near normal function. Almost always however the individuals would remark, "I don't trust that Physical Therapist, or the Company, you all are trying to hurt me more."
I would usually ask, "Employee Joe, what would we or the therapist gain by hurting you further?" Most had never really thought much about the question, choosing instead to believe some load of hooey foisted on them by a well-intended, though not terribly deep thinking spouse, relative, neighbor, etc.
As I walk through the process of a relationship apparently ending as a marriage (God, I am still open to the alternative by the way), I am reminded on days when the pain is intense that yes, part of this pain is the pain of destruction. Two very important relationships are being fundamentally destroyed (one between a man and woman as husband and wife, and the one between children and parents as a relationship which can absolutely be trusted - most divorced children research suggests, never grant that level of trust again - to anyone). Like Joe Thiesman's leg, years ago on Monday Night foot ball, the destruction is painful to watch and be part of for everyone involved, even indirectly. I am also reminded as I speak with dear friends whose love, encouragement, prayers and grace help me see through the fog that the pain is also the pain of rehabilitation.
Having made poor choices, I cannot control any longer (actually never did) the choices made by Kellie, or others who believe the only option is to end our life together. I can however control whether I choose to do the exercises God and others place in front of me to create, recreate and rehabilitate whatever these important relationships will look like in the years to come. And, like the employees who chose to flee the pain of PT, I can also choose to bolt, avoid the short-term pain, and greatly increase the chance I will walk some path that bears a striking resemblance to this one at some point in the future (oh what fun that would surely be).
What about you? Are you like me? Have you laughed at someone in the past who did not take time to understand the difference in the two kinds of pain, only to have to admit to yourself at some point in the past - you (I) were that person? I absolutely was, and as a result a talented woman and three innocent children have been deeply wounded.
I pray God will continue His relentless butt-kicking as He sends me back into the exercises each day on the way to a healed, reconditioned me. For those of you who He has used as assistant butt-kickers; Steve M., Phil P., Jeff L., Bryan D., James R., Scott B., Kelly S., Kellie C., Ken and Shirley, Steve E., and a host of others thank you for loving me enough to kick . . . I may not always appear to but I do understand the difference and am learning to accept (dare I say, embrace) the pain a bit more each day. Because of your love, God's love and His amazing mercy, healing will occur.
Got something that is hurting you? Which pain is it, and what do you need to do to react to it appropriately? Be careful you don't misdiagnose the pain!
Typically an employee would be a no-show for a physical therapy session. His or her response when asked why the absence would virtually always be, "I went to the PT and it hurt, during and after PT, so I don't want to go back." When asked further, if any explanation of the pain had been provided, most would reluctantly concede they had be told in advance the exercises would hurt, during and, in most cases, following the session. However, the pain was necessary short-term to rebuild, or recondition an injured area so that the area would return to at or very near normal function. Almost always however the individuals would remark, "I don't trust that Physical Therapist, or the Company, you all are trying to hurt me more."
I would usually ask, "Employee Joe, what would we or the therapist gain by hurting you further?" Most had never really thought much about the question, choosing instead to believe some load of hooey foisted on them by a well-intended, though not terribly deep thinking spouse, relative, neighbor, etc.
As I walk through the process of a relationship apparently ending as a marriage (God, I am still open to the alternative by the way), I am reminded on days when the pain is intense that yes, part of this pain is the pain of destruction. Two very important relationships are being fundamentally destroyed (one between a man and woman as husband and wife, and the one between children and parents as a relationship which can absolutely be trusted - most divorced children research suggests, never grant that level of trust again - to anyone). Like Joe Thiesman's leg, years ago on Monday Night foot ball, the destruction is painful to watch and be part of for everyone involved, even indirectly. I am also reminded as I speak with dear friends whose love, encouragement, prayers and grace help me see through the fog that the pain is also the pain of rehabilitation.
Having made poor choices, I cannot control any longer (actually never did) the choices made by Kellie, or others who believe the only option is to end our life together. I can however control whether I choose to do the exercises God and others place in front of me to create, recreate and rehabilitate whatever these important relationships will look like in the years to come. And, like the employees who chose to flee the pain of PT, I can also choose to bolt, avoid the short-term pain, and greatly increase the chance I will walk some path that bears a striking resemblance to this one at some point in the future (oh what fun that would surely be).
What about you? Are you like me? Have you laughed at someone in the past who did not take time to understand the difference in the two kinds of pain, only to have to admit to yourself at some point in the past - you (I) were that person? I absolutely was, and as a result a talented woman and three innocent children have been deeply wounded.
I pray God will continue His relentless butt-kicking as He sends me back into the exercises each day on the way to a healed, reconditioned me. For those of you who He has used as assistant butt-kickers; Steve M., Phil P., Jeff L., Bryan D., James R., Scott B., Kelly S., Kellie C., Ken and Shirley, Steve E., and a host of others thank you for loving me enough to kick . . . I may not always appear to but I do understand the difference and am learning to accept (dare I say, embrace) the pain a bit more each day. Because of your love, God's love and His amazing mercy, healing will occur.
Got something that is hurting you? Which pain is it, and what do you need to do to react to it appropriately? Be careful you don't misdiagnose the pain!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Appreciate the Manna - Before It's Gone
In the Old Testament, our spiritual ancestors the Israelites recently delivered from Egypt where they were treated in sub-human fashion, began to lament life on the road (out from under their tormentors). "We are going to die out here," they wailed like today's children, teenagers and most adults forced to play somewhere other than in front of a computer or TV in the A/C. "Besides, we are hungry. In Egypt they treated us like crap but at least we had 3 squares a day," they continued like a convict who has mistaken prison fare's stability for freedom.
So God fed them with manna. Each morning available for the gathering was the day's meal with only the condition that they not take more than a day's worth. Soon, right to the door delivery was not even enough and they were griping again.
This summer, God has made very clear to me just how much like my spiritual ancestors I really am. For years I enjoyed the company of a spouse who loved and was patient with me. Her companionship was that manna. Hmmm, think I appreciated it? Not only no, but heck no. Now she's gone. What I wouldn't give for just a few minutes walking hand in hand talking about ANYTHING, or nothing.
Manna looks very different today than it did prior to May 29, 2010. How much clearer my vision is in its absence!
Do you like manna? Are you thankful God has provided manna in your life? Are you really? Men, no, your spouse isn't perfect - but she puts up with your crap (and no one dishes out crap like men, especially many believing men, who are "leaders" of their household). When was the last time you said, "Dear (or your pet name for her), my world would be absolutely incomplete without you in it. I would NOT be the person I am without your love and companionship." Or, "Dear patient woman, do you know how poor a job I have done showing you at the heart-level what your love means to me and who God is making me?"
NO - comments did not come from Oprah. Came from the heart of one who ignored manna, griped about manna and wasted manna as he saw fit - until his arrogance resulted in its disappearance. Trust me today fellows when I tell you, the manna you enjoy, on it's (her) worst day is beyond your comprehension of its (her) disappearance. From one hungry fellow to the next (and I don't mean horny, I mean hungry for the companionship and company my sweet wife patiently provided) savor the taste of the manna God has provided you before it slips away.
So God fed them with manna. Each morning available for the gathering was the day's meal with only the condition that they not take more than a day's worth. Soon, right to the door delivery was not even enough and they were griping again.
This summer, God has made very clear to me just how much like my spiritual ancestors I really am. For years I enjoyed the company of a spouse who loved and was patient with me. Her companionship was that manna. Hmmm, think I appreciated it? Not only no, but heck no. Now she's gone. What I wouldn't give for just a few minutes walking hand in hand talking about ANYTHING, or nothing.
Manna looks very different today than it did prior to May 29, 2010. How much clearer my vision is in its absence!
Do you like manna? Are you thankful God has provided manna in your life? Are you really? Men, no, your spouse isn't perfect - but she puts up with your crap (and no one dishes out crap like men, especially many believing men, who are "leaders" of their household). When was the last time you said, "Dear (or your pet name for her), my world would be absolutely incomplete without you in it. I would NOT be the person I am without your love and companionship." Or, "Dear patient woman, do you know how poor a job I have done showing you at the heart-level what your love means to me and who God is making me?"
NO - comments did not come from Oprah. Came from the heart of one who ignored manna, griped about manna and wasted manna as he saw fit - until his arrogance resulted in its disappearance. Trust me today fellows when I tell you, the manna you enjoy, on it's (her) worst day is beyond your comprehension of its (her) disappearance. From one hungry fellow to the next (and I don't mean horny, I mean hungry for the companionship and company my sweet wife patiently provided) savor the taste of the manna God has provided you before it slips away.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Living Small versus Living Large
There is a fascinating story on Yahoo.com today regarding a man named Jay Schafer, who ten years ago built a "tiny" house, which he lives in. The house is 8 x 12 - the whole house! His comment,"Living small as revolutionized my life. I now have much more time and money for the things and people who really matter."
In the land of unquenchable consumption, what a brave fellow.
Imagine what our world would be like if each of us (and our children) were virtually free of the cares of the accumulation of crap (technical term). You know, those things I just had to have; one more book to add to the other 42 I haven't read, a new iPod to replace the 12 month old one I had (largely because it ate me up the neighbors looked cooler), those new shoes my kids had to have (again, because some other kid had the latest color), more clothes for me (because I could still wedge another item in my closet), a bigger house (because cleaning the one I had didn't eat up a big enough maid bill, or take enough time from my life if I did it myself), and on and on the list could go.
In listening to Schafer in the video piece, it is clear he had some glimpse of the paradox of the life Jesus was speaking of when he said, "Whoever saves his life must lose it . . .", and "Who by worrying about his life can add anything to it?"
It challenged me. Have I really considered seriously Jesus comment to his disciples about how little they needed to take with them, or that he needed? Truthfully, not only no, but heck no I haven't seriously considered it or let it sink it AND many parts of my life - as recently as MOMENTS ago provide evidence of my desire to hold on to things. But, at what cost, seems to be a reasonable question. For me, it is becoming clearer by the day the cost has been very high.
What about for you? What have you traded in the barter of life? If something happened tomorrow and you got asked to "live small", could you do so? What about your kids? If not, why not? As Arsenio Hall used to say, "Kinda makes me say hmmmmm."
To smaller living, which provides more room for people - the one thing that really matters to God. (Oh, spare me the comments about God not prohibiting wealth. I know that. The question is not does God prohibit wealth here. Rather, what amount of energy am I spending trying to live large, which won't count for squat once I am gone?).
In the land of unquenchable consumption, what a brave fellow.
Imagine what our world would be like if each of us (and our children) were virtually free of the cares of the accumulation of crap (technical term). You know, those things I just had to have; one more book to add to the other 42 I haven't read, a new iPod to replace the 12 month old one I had (largely because it ate me up the neighbors looked cooler), those new shoes my kids had to have (again, because some other kid had the latest color), more clothes for me (because I could still wedge another item in my closet), a bigger house (because cleaning the one I had didn't eat up a big enough maid bill, or take enough time from my life if I did it myself), and on and on the list could go.
In listening to Schafer in the video piece, it is clear he had some glimpse of the paradox of the life Jesus was speaking of when he said, "Whoever saves his life must lose it . . .", and "Who by worrying about his life can add anything to it?"
It challenged me. Have I really considered seriously Jesus comment to his disciples about how little they needed to take with them, or that he needed? Truthfully, not only no, but heck no I haven't seriously considered it or let it sink it AND many parts of my life - as recently as MOMENTS ago provide evidence of my desire to hold on to things. But, at what cost, seems to be a reasonable question. For me, it is becoming clearer by the day the cost has been very high.
What about for you? What have you traded in the barter of life? If something happened tomorrow and you got asked to "live small", could you do so? What about your kids? If not, why not? As Arsenio Hall used to say, "Kinda makes me say hmmmmm."
To smaller living, which provides more room for people - the one thing that really matters to God. (Oh, spare me the comments about God not prohibiting wealth. I know that. The question is not does God prohibit wealth here. Rather, what amount of energy am I spending trying to live large, which won't count for squat once I am gone?).
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Vulnerability
As I face the loss of my best friend to divorce, the consequence of my misdirected attempts to hide my vulnerability, I am struck by truth of Jesus statement that the tighter we hold life, the greater the likelihood we will lose it.
I badly wanted to be loved by my sweet spouse for just me - failings, weaknesses and all. I wanted it to be alright to show emotion, express doubt at times in my own abilities and questions about faith. However, to our last days in the same house, I believed the lies from Hell - "protecting myself" from the prospect of rejection - pridefully believing I was disguising weakness for strength and insight. What a crock of crap!
On those few instances I was vulnerable, I was accepted on each occasion!!
Men, guess why God insisted we lead? Because we are dispositionally INCAPABLE of doing so effectively unless we give the responsibility back to Him realizing, "I cannot do this." He asked that we lead because doing so with any shot at success requires turning the job back over to HIM every morning.
BTW, ladies before you break something, guess why God ask that you serve in other roles? Because you ARE dispositionally suited to lead and if the task can be carried out without the absolute need for surrender, what results? Pride. Put down the glass vase. Move away from the ledge. Ponder the last two paragraphs before injuring yourself, anyone near you, or flaming me. Ponder (respond no sooner than 10 days). Back to the point at hand.
Who in your life are you hiding from tonight? Afraid he or she won't love the real you? Who has been vulnerable with you, yet you are withholding the same? Please, do yourself a favor before the chance is lost. Show them your heart. Tell someone you love, you feel honored to have a place you can go that is safe, failings and all. You will be blessed beyond words. Withhold it - trust me - you will feel both rejection and laughter as Hell mocks you for having traded pride as a counterfeit substitute for vulnerability.
He who would save his life must lose it . . .
I badly wanted to be loved by my sweet spouse for just me - failings, weaknesses and all. I wanted it to be alright to show emotion, express doubt at times in my own abilities and questions about faith. However, to our last days in the same house, I believed the lies from Hell - "protecting myself" from the prospect of rejection - pridefully believing I was disguising weakness for strength and insight. What a crock of crap!
On those few instances I was vulnerable, I was accepted on each occasion!!
Men, guess why God insisted we lead? Because we are dispositionally INCAPABLE of doing so effectively unless we give the responsibility back to Him realizing, "I cannot do this." He asked that we lead because doing so with any shot at success requires turning the job back over to HIM every morning.
BTW, ladies before you break something, guess why God ask that you serve in other roles? Because you ARE dispositionally suited to lead and if the task can be carried out without the absolute need for surrender, what results? Pride. Put down the glass vase. Move away from the ledge. Ponder the last two paragraphs before injuring yourself, anyone near you, or flaming me. Ponder (respond no sooner than 10 days). Back to the point at hand.
Who in your life are you hiding from tonight? Afraid he or she won't love the real you? Who has been vulnerable with you, yet you are withholding the same? Please, do yourself a favor before the chance is lost. Show them your heart. Tell someone you love, you feel honored to have a place you can go that is safe, failings and all. You will be blessed beyond words. Withhold it - trust me - you will feel both rejection and laughter as Hell mocks you for having traded pride as a counterfeit substitute for vulnerability.
He who would save his life must lose it . . .
Monday, July 12, 2010
Love in a Starbucks Bag
My daughter Ashton is as great a kid as there is. She is courageous. She feels deeply the pain of others. She takes serious things seriously. She loves children. She loves her Mom and her Dad. We are lucky to have her.
She went to ACU volleyball camp and in her excitement, and the midst of a painful summer, forgot some important items.
She texted and asked if I could bail her out. I was unable to turn on a dime this morning and get to Abilene. Love showed up in the form of an aunt (Kendra Kunkle) who loves Ashton dearly, a dear friend from years back who'd never even met Ashton and a woman, I am not sure I have ever met.
First, I sent an e-mail to Julie Danley, a woman whose authenticity and generosity toward people is best known by those in Abilene who share her smile each day. But, who is known by some many who have enjoyed her surrendered serving heart for decades as acquaintances, friends and family members. I simply asked, "Is there any way you can help?" She sent a note, no questions asked, "Consider it done." Wow.
Much later in the day, my sister Kendra called to say just when it appeared resources she believed she had which would solve the problem had been exhausted, someone who knew someone, had agreed to provide the item and homemade chocolate chip cookies for Ashton. That was done as well. When I spoke to the person, she would have nothing of payment, or praise. She replied, "Oh, I know if my daughter were in need someone would help her."
What these women did is beyond words for so many reasons. Chocolate chip cookies, and the needed items, in a Starbucks bag from a friend of a friend of an aunt, that's love without conditions. As Ashton fights through a summer where those she loves most are letting her down, these women provided a small glimpse into the reality that Jesus loves us, even when so much feels lost.
Thank you Kendra, Julie and Rebecca. You have no idea . . . .
She went to ACU volleyball camp and in her excitement, and the midst of a painful summer, forgot some important items.
She texted and asked if I could bail her out. I was unable to turn on a dime this morning and get to Abilene. Love showed up in the form of an aunt (Kendra Kunkle) who loves Ashton dearly, a dear friend from years back who'd never even met Ashton and a woman, I am not sure I have ever met.
First, I sent an e-mail to Julie Danley, a woman whose authenticity and generosity toward people is best known by those in Abilene who share her smile each day. But, who is known by some many who have enjoyed her surrendered serving heart for decades as acquaintances, friends and family members. I simply asked, "Is there any way you can help?" She sent a note, no questions asked, "Consider it done." Wow.
Much later in the day, my sister Kendra called to say just when it appeared resources she believed she had which would solve the problem had been exhausted, someone who knew someone, had agreed to provide the item and homemade chocolate chip cookies for Ashton. That was done as well. When I spoke to the person, she would have nothing of payment, or praise. She replied, "Oh, I know if my daughter were in need someone would help her."
What these women did is beyond words for so many reasons. Chocolate chip cookies, and the needed items, in a Starbucks bag from a friend of a friend of an aunt, that's love without conditions. As Ashton fights through a summer where those she loves most are letting her down, these women provided a small glimpse into the reality that Jesus loves us, even when so much feels lost.
Thank you Kendra, Julie and Rebecca. You have no idea . . . .
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